Merry Christmas

I hope you have had a great Christmas with family, friends or random strangers... we have been at home this year in our new house with our new baby, we didnt do anything flash, a very simple roast dinner, some nice music, presents under the tree and a new trampoline to play on.

Wee N is a month old today, and its her first xmas, shes been pretty good and I had a nice snooze with her this afternoon. The big girls had a great day, they love christmas, they have been so excited since school and kindy finished last week. They each bought presents for other family members this year which was really great.

So merry christmas everyone.


yay only 4 days to go.....

and amazingly we have all our shopping done, yay, just got to print some photos and courier parcels today, we have even got the groceries done so we dont have to do anything after today, yippy.

We have to put the kids big present up on Xmas eve, but that will take a few adults and probably one of us to make sure the girls stay in bed.


one week till xmas

its a week to go and I am semi organised, we aren't going anywhere this year which will be nice, its our first Christmas in our own home and as a family of 6. It would be nice to have been with the rest of our family but its going to be good being at our place too.

We are part way through our shopping, the kids presents are sorted, just Ben and I and extended family to do, but we have some ideas, and some things that we will make over the weekend.

Miss N has had a growth spurt this week which was really tiring for me, she wanted to feed every 2-3hrs which meant that I was quite tired. Last night she went back to sleeping 4-5 hrs though which was great. Breastfeeding is still going really well, and I am enjoying our wee baby girl. The big girls finished school and kindy for the year, so its them and I and the new nanny home for the next 5 weeks.


Mary Poppins is gone

Some of my readers may know that we have had a nanny for the last three months, its been great and we often refer to her as Mary Poppins.

Today was her last day with us and its been quite sad, L was devastated when she finished up, but things in life change and for us that change is having a new nanny start on Monday, Mary Poppins has been brilliant and a huge help with my pregnancy, the kids and around the house, and we will really miss her presence. Mary though has decided that she needs an education so is heading home to Chch to become a nurse. Shes going to be great at it and we hope she enjoys the challenges that lie ahead for her.

When we first decided to have a nanny it was very daunting, we knew that with my dodgy hips that I couldn't do some very basic things around here, even putting O in his cot was causing me lots of pain, it was strange at first having another set of adult hands here to help but its been a great experience for our family and I am glad that we have had this extra help when we need it.

So to Mary Poppins thank you, we will miss you heaps and good luck.

day 11

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days, N is doing great, she sleeps around 3 hours at a time and is breastfeeding beautifully. Its like she has always been part of our family, or maybe its just that I am confident that I can do this so its just easier.

I have had Mum staying since last Sunday, it was great having her here esp as I got a chest infection and tonsillitis on Monday night so was very crook with that. Mum went home on Friday so now we are adjusting to being our wee family of 6.

I am still having issues with my hips, they haven't gone back to normal after N's birth, I am still getting pain walking or doing most normal activities. I am going to ring physio this week and see what they suggest that I do, I am still using the smiley belt, and am contemplating using crutches again, I find if I walk to school its semi-ok if I push the pram, a bit like a walking frame.

The older kids are really good with N, O is having a few issues but some of that is just that his position as the baby has changed in the family, L and K have taken it all in their stride, L had N as her news at kindy the other day which was very cool for her, I will take N to school one afternoon this week so K can show her to her class.

We have gotten a carrycot for our double mountain buggy which is great it means she has a bed for when we go out anywhere, we have used it a couple of times now (for school athletics, and a tri club race today).

K had her school athletics on Friday, I was really proud of her, even when she missed the height on the high jump she kept trying, and she wasn't last in any of her races like I would have been.


day three...

I am a bit of a weepy mess today, I was expecting it though so its possibly better than it could have been. I managed to get out for a wee while today though which was nice, just to ezibuy and farmers with my sister and bubs, was nice to be out of the house for a while.

I am currently sitting at home alone.... the first time I have been by myself for days and its really nice in some ways, Rebecca and Ben have gone to print photos etc and the kids are all sleeping, I should probably have gone to bed too but I want to have a shower before bed and I wont be able to hear N if she wakes so I will just wait for a while before I have one.

N is awesome, shes breastfeeding beautifully, my milk has come in so we don't have to deal with yucky meconium nappies anymore either which is great, we had Paula visit today and shes happy with how the both of us are doing. She took the clamp off N's cord stump and did the heal prick test, the girls weren't very impressed with that part of things today. N is sleeping ok, but its hard to get used to being up at strange hours to feed her. I am managing to get some extra sleep in the daytime though which is helping.

Mr O is very good with N, hes a wee bit rough at times but hes only 2 so I dont expect very much from him, he gives her kisses though and calls her baby. The big girls are great with her, they love giving her cuddles and talking to her.

I can hear N snuffling so had better get organised for the next feed. D

She is here

Natalya is here, she was born at 7:34am yesterday morning weighing 8lb 8oz or 3.88kg, my waters broke on due date as I left a shop( very stereotypical lol). So we knew she would arrive in around 24hrs, I went to see midwife on Tuesday evening and got acupuncture done to help bring on labour, I woke around 5am on Wed morning with contractions so we got up and organised everything to go up to hospital. We met Paula up there around 5:45am and had to wait to get a line put in my hand, because of the registrars taking too long doing it I missed out on my water birth, I used gas this time to get through the contractions. Natalya was born in one big push and Ben delivered her, my sister got to cut the cord which was very cool too,

Shes just lovely, sleeping and feeding well, we came home from hospital around 10:30am because I had decided that I didn't want to stay in there when I could be at home with my family.


due date tomorrow

tomorrow is officially my due date, but babies are notorious for coming when they want and on their own timetable. I am hoping though that its sooner rather than later for this bump. We took some more photos yesterday so I have added a few on here, I am rather amazed at how big I am sideways... I suppose its because I don't see myself from that view so don't realise how big I am.


Vegemite vs Marmite

I am a vegemite eater.... yep I have said it, I don't like marmite, I will eat it if I have too but would rather not touch it.

But what I really wonder is why this polarises people.... why is it one or the other, does it have to be one or the other? I don't know of any other spread that has this one vs the other going on or does it exist and I just haven't heard about it....

Maybe its just a kiwi or aussie thing, Ben doesn't like either of them, he prefers Nutella, so it might just be an antipodean thing....

Either way I am intrigued by the whole thing and wonder what others think.

39 wks, 1 day

am in countdown mode big time, was supposed to see my midwife today but she got called to the hospital for a mum in preterm labour. So I will see her tomorrow.

I think I have gotten Bubs around to a better position, but probably need to spend some more time on the swiss ball just to help keep it where I think it is.

I have had miss K home for the last 3 days with tonsillitis. Poor wee poppet. Mr O is turning 2 on Friday, we are just having some cake and things after school, its too hard to do much more when we cant guarantee that I will be here.

I am just hoping that baby comes today or tomorrow or waits till Monday, My midwife has this weekend off and I would rather have her to deliver bubs, and I don't want to have baby on Mr O's birthday.


Spinning Babies

I have spent a while reading about this on the web of late, why? Because I am trying to spin a baby myself, what it is is when you are trying to move a bay in utero to a more favourable birth position, in my case we are trying to move from left occiput posterior to left occiput anterior.

And tonight it feels like the 6 hours I spent today might actually be paying off. I have been leaning on all fours against the swiss ball, sleeping on my left side, sitting with my pelvis tilted forward, any of the above for most of my day, and tonight baby feels like its more towards the front, its made some big movements tonight and I have actually felt the smaller movements come around.

Birthing posterior babies naturally is possible, it just takes longer and can be more painful hence the reason that I am spending time trying to move baby before I go into labour, posterior labours are generally less effective too which is another reason that I want bubs in the right place when things finally happen.

So I am hoping that at 39 wks (in 20 minutes time) we may have had some success and be in labour some time soon. D

Sorry, bump keeps getting in my way

I am now 38 wks and 4 days, so 10 sleeps to go, have had a few off days this week, just anxious about it all, even though I know what I am doing and that I can birth this baby quite easily, it still can get a bit much.

things just seem to be cruising in regards to the pregnancy, baby isn't in the best position so I spend a good 2 hrs a day sitting or leaning on the swiss ball, its comfy enough and hopefully we will have turned bubs around.

I got my hair done on Thursday, yes I know I wasn't going to dye it for a year but I have been feeling so crap about things that I went and got some blonde foils done,

I have added my latest bump photo, taken today, am feeling huge, I now cant do up my goretex jacket which I could do two weeks ago, and my tummy extends for a good 10cm past my feet.

love D

37 weeks today

so only 21 sleeps til due date, I am feeling huge, bubs seems to be posterior which is very uncomfy and I am having problems sleeping. I also seem to have cankles today which I arent liking.

I am finding it more difficult to get around now, I use crutches pretty much everytime I leave the house unless I am pushing the pram, I have a massive waddle going which is not great either.

I went to the movies this morning which I really enjoyed, I saw "this is it" the Michael Jackson documentary, it was amazing, makes you wonder what sort of spectacular the concerts would have been. It was the first time I have been to the movies since O was about 3 months old, so it was nice to enjoy the experience again.


its november

wow, its due date month, a bit scary really but I was laying in bed last night with Ben and bubs was going nuts movement wise and he said that he just wants to meet it now... I am with him on this, it feels like its taken forever to get to this stage.

Bubs is niggling away, which is good means things should be easier for the birth, but its frustrating when you are uncomfy.

I am taking miss K up to delivery suite after school so she can see where Bubs will be born, Paula is going to meet us up there so she can answer miss K's questions about it.

I also have to organise a small 2nd birthday for mr O, his birthday is the 20th so I am hoping to avoid having bubs too close to his birthday, I havent even thought about a present for him either, better get on to that soon otherwise I will forget or have to rush.


decision made

I came up with a compromise on Tuesday, miss K and I will go with my Midwife to have a look around delivery suite next week so she knows where Ben and I will be, we can show her things and let her see for herself that we are going to be ok.

I have decided that as much as I love her and think she could handle it that I dont want her to see me in that position so she can stay home and come up as soon as bubs is born. Ben has decided that he is going to deliver the baby with some guidance from our midwife so neither of us would be able to give her support either so to me its best that she stays at home.

I am excited that Ben wants to be so involved this time, it was hard to get him to even cut the cord with K, so its really neat that he wants to help birth this baby. We got to play with a plastic pelvis and a baby doll to see how it will all work etc.

Bubs is still sitting really low, my hips are getting worse and I have insomnia as well which isnt helping... we had our midwife visit yesterday and we are now down to weekly ones until bubs is born which is very cool. its only 26 sleeps now till due date, and we are hoping that we dont get there, my midwife said that the dates are a week out anyway so it hopefully wont happen. D

decision to make

Miss K was awake last night so laying in bed with me and she asked if she can be there when the baby is born, she wants to know how it all works etc, Ben has said its my decision to make and I am torn in many directions over it.

In some ways I would like to have her there to witness the birth etc and maybe so that she doesn't go into adulthood fearing birth, but I also don't want her to see me in pain, I wont be having any pain relief unless absolutely necessary so it can get a bit intense. I was wondering if maybe I let her on the terms that she has a support person that she can talk to etc and leave if she wants, my sister will be here the week bubs is due so could possibly do that job.

I am really quite conflicted on this and would love some advise.


I am from Southland....

last night Southland won the Ranfurly Shield for the first time in 50 yrs... this is fabulous, it wasn't a great game of rugby but we won so I am celebrating.

Southland is one of the provinces of NZ and we are often hassled for the way we speak, Southlanders have a tendency to roll our RRRRRs, which means we have a more Scottish accent than other NZers. I still roll my rrr's and I haven't lived in Southland since I was 17, I love though that my wee girls do and they have never lived there at all, but a year living with Grandma and Grandad saw that they have a good accent.

Southland is the southern most province in NZ, it was settled by Scots, so many names down there have Scottish origins, Its the gateway to the natural beauty of Fiordland and to Stewart Island. I miss it, but know that I will never live down there again.

Last night my facebook page had updates from all over the place from Ex pat southlanders celebrating our victory, it was fabulous to see, and quite neat to see how many of my friends are still southlanders at heart. Obviously we can move away but home is still special.


feeling flat

I have finally got the babies cradle made up, and got nappies, but am feeling really flat the last two days, cant really explain why, some of its that this is the last time we will get ready for a baby, and some is that it still feels like just over a month is forever. Its not helping that I slept really badly last night either, my hips are very painful and I am avoiding walking very far.

I think it also doesnt help that I am still under the back up midwife till next week and I havent clicked that well with her so dont want to text her over anything thats niggling at me.

oh well maybe tomorrow will be better. D

absolutely knackered

I am stuffed, have been busy nesting all weekend, you can finally see our bedroom floor, and I have all the baby clothes sitting in their drawers waiting. I have packed my labour bag, and my hospital bag, have chosen a coming home outfit for bubs and packed it.

Now all I need is a baby... oh and some nappies, I don't think 3 disposables are going to do much.

its feeling really good to have this all done, I have also sorted out all my clothing, and ditched 10 pairs of shoes and a huge bag of clothes, could be a bit more ruthless yet but hey its a start.

next on the list to do is get the girls and O's stuff sorted out, It felt really good to do mine, so I just have to get into their rooms and do it.

Bubs needs to stay put till the 28th which is when my Midwife is back, anytime after that its welcome. And I will be ready for him/her.

So yay for feeling knackered from nesting, I can rest a bit once its all done :)

funny pic that made me giggle

this was on an email I got, its so funny, or maybe its just my sad hormonal sense of humour lol.

41 days to go

We had the back up midwife today which was good, its good to know who might be delivering bubs if mine isnt available.

Bubs is 4/5ths engaged, still facing my right hip, and measuring 2 weeks ahead. I washed all our baby clothes yesterday, and have decided that we have far too many but thats ok, I am sure I can find a home for what I dont need.

I am feeling tired but thats ok, its just getting used to being awake every 4 hrs that will take a few days, I am hoping to have everything sorted by the time I get to 36 weeks so that I dont have to do anything after that, I just need to get nappies for bubs, and stuff for my maternity bag and some pj pants etc.


yay, Baby has a name

We finally agreed on names for bubs last night, We have had our girls name all along which is Natalya Kerenza, Natalya is a name we like and Kerenza is a Cornish name that has a similar meaning to my name.

I had a really vivid dream on Saturday night that Paula handed the baby to me and we called him Matthias Rata, I told Ben about this last night and he was said he really liked that name, so we have agreed on it. Matthias is German for Matthew, and Rata is a native NZ Tree that we both really like.

So yay the dilemma is solved and we can start getting things ready, only 42 days till due date, so I need to start sorting out baby clothes etc.


I have survived

I knew I would, I just didn't particularly want to have to. The kids have been pretty good, no huge meltdowns from them or me, O had a small one at church but it was more that he was bored than from anything else.

I let Miss K sleep with me last night which was nice, it was like having an electric blanket on all night, no wonder she biffs her duvet off to go to sleep.

They are all settled and in bed for the night which is nice, so its just me and bump sitting here in the silence. Bump is trying to see if my ribs will stretch any further and if my bladder makes a goo trampoline, its quite strange in some ways you just see these random movements under my tshirt, and it does make you wonder whats going on in there.

Its quite funny see other peoples reactions to it too, I was out at a friends this afternoon and bubs was moving about and she was like oh its an alien... maybe I should wear looser tops lol so its not so conspicuous.

School holidays finished today, its been a pity that the weather has been so gross, we have only managed a couple of trips to the park because its been so yucky. the girls seem to be looking forward to going back though, possibly more that they can see their friends than the actual place.


yucky weekend

I don't want this weekend to come, firstly the weather at the moment is absolutely disgusting its windy and pouring with rain which means the kids will be housebound if it continues... my other reason is a bit more selfish

Ben is going to Wellington to do a communication course at Landmark, its great that he wants to do this, but I am feeling huge, have a chest infection and just plain don't want to be home alone with the three kids for the weekend.

So I am being a grump about it all... I want him to do these sorts of things, I just aren't feeling very good about it at the moment, I am sure that I will be fine with the kids, just got to keep to routine and have them in bed at a good time.


bump circa 33 weeks

I am 33 weeks tomorrow, so not long to go now, just thought I would post a couple of pics, I measured myself in the weekend and am 10cm bigger than last measuring and 30cm bigger than when I got pregnant, so bump is a lot bigger than I think at times.

I am finding things a bit harder to do, like bending over, or getting up off the ground, having our own Mary Poppins is making it easier, I can barely carry O at the moment which is frustrating but its not long now and we will be looking after a new wee person.

On the name front I have decided to stop looking for a boys name for a while, its just really getting to me so have decided to take a break from it all.

anyway need some sleep


feeling tired

tonight I feel knackered, I am so tired, I had a good sleep last night but I just feel worn out this evening. I have had a busy last two days though so maybe some of it is just that I have done a bit more than normal.

Today I took Miss L out to get her kindy and good sandals for summer, we also went to a cafe for lunch and to visit her godmother, it was nice and I managed to do some of it without crutches, which was nice, made me feel good to be able to move without them.

I did the same yesterday with Miss K, but we went to BK for food, and to the Midwife as well, its been nice having that one on one time that I dont always get with my girls, its one of the downfalls I have found in having 3 children. I get lots of O time, but very little with K esp during term time, I might have to start making more of an effort, but we do go to girls brigade together which is her and my thing at the moment.

anyway feeling zapped, early night for me

naming baby

I am now 32 weeks pregnant, and we are still struggling to come up with a boys name for this baby, we just recycled the girls name we had choosen for last time, but I am finding it so hard to come up with something that we both like for this wee one.

In other baby happenings, I am 32 weeks, bump is measuring 34 weeks, and is 3/5ths engaged, my Midwife is happy with how things are going at the moment, my blood pressure is good, and the acupuncture is keeping the nausea and vomitting at bay. I went to an osteopath yesterday to see about some relief for my hips, so far it seems to have worked, I arent waddling as much today and I dont have pain shooting up the middle of my pelvis which is great.


due dates

Sometime lately it would have been my due date for the ectopic pregnancy that I had in February, it was kind of strange thinking about it, possibly because I hadn't know I was pregnant there was no emotional attachment to a possible due date.

Not like at the moment where I am counting down the days to my due date and beginning to think about getting ready for bubs arrival, things like packing our hospital bag, putting the clothes in the drawers, bringing the cradle inside.

September would have been the month for doing this if the ectopic pregnancy had occurred in the right place, I have wondered a bit about it, would the pregnancy have been easy, would the smaller gap been ok, all sorts of thoughts really about what might have been if the circumstances had been different,

Instead I am thinking about things for this wee bubba who is due in around 8 weeks, wondering if its a boy or girl, hoping that my hips don't get too much worse, thinking about names, birth plans, breastfeeding etc.

I am also thinking about the fact that this is the last pregnancy that I will carry, I am 32 now, I don't want to be having anymore children, and 34/35 yrs of age had always been my cut off point.

I will miss the growing bump of pregnancy, the first kicks, the tummy rolls from movement, the excitement of a new child but I also know that my body isn't up to another go at this, we will outgrow our wee house if we had more, and probably outgrow our income too.... yep this is it, four is enough.

I wonder how my Grandma coped having 8 children, it must have been hard and she didn't have things like microwaves, automatic washing machines etc. I also wonder how her body coped, she was 40 when she had her last child, so she spent over 16 years of her life being pregnant or breastfeeding which must have taken its toll..... my midwife tells me that bubs has lots of room because everything is stretched from the previous babies and that's a factor in it being a good size, I wonder how Grandmas was by the time she was having number 8.

Anyway, this baby I carry is making me very sore tonight, it seems to have changed where its laying so its off to bed for me.


31 weeks today

yay the countdown to baby number 4's arrival is on. 63 days till our estimated due date, so really bubs could come 2 weeks either side of that date.

I actually took a picture of me today, I will upload it to here this evening so you can all see how big it is. I saw my Midwife on Saturday evening for monitoring cos I hadn't had enough movements and she thinks that my dates are more accurate for my size, anyway bubs is growing nicely and we are both happy with how things are going, my SPD hasn't been as bad this time which is really good, and I have some extra hands around the house till after bubs is born.


I managed to hurt my hip today, was parked beside another car and didnt open my door far enough, so when I got out I some how managed to twist my hips the wrong way. My left hip is aching and hurts like anything when I walk, am gutted as its my weaker hip from my last pregnancy. Am waiting for Ben to get home so that I can have a bath to ease the pain a bit.

I am pleased that I was wearing my smiley belt though otherwise I think I would have hurt it even more.


Been to the midwife today

and everything is going really well. I am 30 weeks and 1 day but measuring around 31 weeks, bubs is still lol or maybe lop and is head down. The interesting thing is that bubs is also 3/5ths engaged which is quite early, great for birthing, not so great for the next ten weeks :)

We did some acupuncture to try to relieve some of the morning sickness that has returned, the nausea I can cope with, its the throwing up my breakfast that I aren't so keen on.

I have started thinking about what sort of birth I want, and have decided that I would really like a water birth this time if possible, labouring in the bath was really good with O so I want to give it another shot. I was talking with another lady at the clinic I go to and she said why don't you try prebirth which is a homeopathic remedy to speed birth up, I told her no thanks under 3 hrs is fast enough for me.

So its all good so far, polycose test came back normal, am a bit anaemic but am taking iron so just going to relax and enjoy.

I cant count lol

my maths was faulty, the 126 weeks of pregnancy didnt count the bubs that I am carrying, so all up it will be 166 weeks of pregnancy.... the 6 weeks is for the one I lost, then its 41 weeks for L, 39 weeks for O, 40 weeks for K, and hopefully around 40 weeks for this one. We are pretty certain given my previous lengths of pregnancy that I should go to full term with this baby too. I am just a bit worried about how big it might be, pushing them out isnt painfree. I have got my midwife appointment tomorrow so will get to hear bubs heartbeat and see where its laying.


Monday monday

I don't know if I actually like Mondays at all, but today has been ok, I managed to get washing out which was good, without too much pain either, I haven't done much else today though, have been trolling the net looking for boy names that would work for this baby, We are both really struggling to come up with a name that we both like and that works with the ones we already have.

Speaking of bubs its moved around again and seems to be laying on my right side instead, I find the nights that it does a big move around are the nights that I have a really bad nights sleep.

Tomorrow is 10 wks till due date, seems a bit scary when I write it down like that, the last quarter of my last pregnancy, by the time bubs is born I will have spent over 126 wks of my life pregnant, (2 years and 4 or 5 months), and if I feed it till over 12 months I will have spent 4 years breastfeeding, I have spent every birthday of mine since 2003 either breastfeeding or pregnant which is strange, but it will be kind of strange not ever having another baby too in some ways, we have always just seen how we go with each one before deciding on having another baby, this time though we are very definite that this is it for us.

Miss K is really cool about "cheeky monkey" as she calls it, she will come and place her hand on my tummy to feel it moving, and she talks to it, tells it whats shes up to or just calls it cheeky monkey.... Mr O has started calling my tummy baby, not that he really knows, but its cute, Miss L is a bit hit and miss with her interest, I think she will be best though when its born, shes more patient than her two siblings.

I can hear the three of them playing outside at the moment, I have to get the washing in so might go and play with them a bit too.....


ps... have just gotten all the washing in, and tea in the oven, not bad for only 5pm, maybe Mondays aren't so bad :)

wide awake and damn sore

I have got a UTI, its damn sore and woke me up just over an hour ago.... I am now sitting on the couch in my dressing gown waiting for the panadol to start working and thinking about ringing noise control as my neighbour has music playing... its not hugely loud but enough that I can hear the words for most songs.

I actually really want to be asleep, but my tummy feels really sore so I just cannot find a position that is nice to sleep in.

L turns 4

my wee girl is 4 today, shes currently out with her Papa for a horse riding lesson which is what shes been asking for for a long time. I blogged about her big sisters birth so thought today i would write about L's entrance into the world.

Firstly she was due on the 30th of august, but she wasn't having a bar of this, she eventually came into the world on the 6th of Sept, a beautiful sunny spring day, much like today actually. Because she wasn't in a hurry we decided to give her a wee bit of a hand... my midwife (the same one I had for K) gave me a stretch and sweep on the Monday as I had been niggling all weekend, we then did the same the next morning, Lee told me that everything was ready to go and we just had to wait a wee while, by 1:30pm that afternoon I was in labour, we had been out to Ben's work to get some stuff for him to do at home while we waited so were driving back when things started happening, we rung Lee, arranged to meet her at the hospital and went and dropped K's car seat at Helen's so she could pick her up from daycare for us. We then went up to the hospital to meet Lee.

We met Lee going in the entrance where she teased me that I wasn't in labour cos I wasn't working hard enough. She knew too well that I was though. We had a student midwife present too which was quite neat as she was able to stay with us while Lee set up a drip and other things just in case I hemorrhaged again. L came out quite quickly, I only pushed for around 2 minutes which was rather intense but good as it didn't last long, so at 15:52 on the 6/9/05 we welcomed our second Daughter into the world, she was perfect, weighed 3.5kg (7lb 11oz), had some hair and was just lovely.

L wasn't as hard as K to breastfeed and K was brought up to meet her after tea that evening. I aren't sure that K really understood as she was only 2 yrs old, but shes been a good big sister to her ever since. The next day L's bilirubin levels went high which meant a 2 day stay in neonates for light treatment, but it wasn't as scary the second time.

So happy birthday miss L, I am pleased that I have you and your beautifulness in our lives. love Mama

LOL not just laughing out loud

for those that haven't had a baby (or arent medically educated) lol is just a Internet term.... for me its the position (left occiput lateral) that all of my babies have preferred to lay in for the last trimester of each pregnancy, its actually not that uncomfortable and they seem quite happy there. Bubs dropped a bit yesterday which is good but chose to do it just as I was lifting O out of his cot, wasn't very comfy.

I had to get monitored last night at delivery cos I hadn't had the compulsory 10 kicks for the day, was good though because they did a ctg and bubs is nice and healthy according to it, and I am measuring well for 28 weeks and my midwife thinks baby will be a good size. I am predicting that it will be over 9 pounds this time, K was little at 5 pd 1oz, L was 7pd 12 oz, and O was 8pd 12oz. I am still not sure on gender but leaning towards boy at the moment, just purely based on where my bump is/how it looks and lack of boys names.


Random acts of kindness day

was actually yesterday but I was on the couch for the afternoon so didnt get to do the act I wanted, so I did it today instead. My random act of kindness was to buy my midwife some flowers. I left them at the clinic this morning for her... and she loves them, yay.

I think I will try to do this sort of thing more often for people that dont always get acknowledged or people that I care for. We also gave some flowers to one of L's kindy teachers too....

its nice to see people smile about something simple.


the joys of pregnancy... NOT

because I am less mobile than normal I have to wear white knee high compression tights... these are the most unattractive things I have ever worn... they are to help with stopping blood clots forming in my legs which is fine, but how am I going to survive wearing them in November when its too warm to wear boots and trousers that cover them?

I also am getting varicose veins this time, had managed to avoid them with the first three. And the stretch marks lol... well they aren't actually happening at all... ironically K did such a good job of stretching my skin that I haven't got any new ones yet.

There's also the continuous indigestion that I suffer, liquid mylanta is my friend, and the cravings for things at random times, last night it was cupcakes and ice cream, neither of which I had in the house, I am also finding that I like spicy food too....

Pregnancy is a rather strange thing, its a totally parasitic relationship that wreaks havoc on your body and mind, yet its still one of the most amazing things I have ever done, you spend 9 months watching your tummy grow, waiting for milestones to be reached, feeling the first kicks,or watching your tummy move cos bubs has hiccups. I am so lucky that I have had 4 awesome pregnancies to enjoy, I sometimes wonder about the one I lost but its hard to feel hugely for it in some ways because I didn't know about it, and it could never have survived.

As I type I am getting kicked in my ribs, and I sit and wonder what this baby will be like, will it have brown eyes like its siblings and Dad or will I manage to get one with blue eyes? is it a boy or a girl? will it grow up to change the world? so many hopes and aspirations of mine yet actually all I hope for is that it is a loved and cared for part of our family.

bump is growing

Some days I just stare at my tummy with amazement, it just moves on its own which is quite strange but cool as well. I will be 28 weeks this Tuesday so finally in my last trimester, seems strange that we are in the final stages of my last pregnancy.

I am beginning to enjoy being pregnant too... its hugely obvious that I am pregnant, but its nice to be feeling that I am coping and that things will be OK with it all.

Miss K talks to my bump, she calls it cheeky monkey, its very cool, shes very interested in this pregnancy and I am pleased that shes old enough to enjoy it with us. Miss L thinks its a girl still, and I actually aren't sure what sex it is. K wants a boy for equity amongst the sexes in our house.

I don't even think Mr O has realised that anything is changing and if he hasn't he certainly isn't able to tell us.

So the last 12 weeks of my last pregnancy begin, Its sad in some ways that I wont ever be pregnant again, but for us four kids is a large family and for me four pregnancies and one loss is enough. My body isn't what it used to be and over 7 years of being pregnant or breastfeeding is enough for any one woman.


pissed off at celebs.....

I was reading tvnz's site today and came across an article that said Heidi Klum doesn't wear maternity clothes cos shes too fashionable, and has to always look good. Well hello some of us don't have the choice to just buy bigger clothes to hide our bumps, some of us at 7 months pregnant are big and need clothes that cover our bumps but don't make us look even huger by fitting badly everywhere else.

It really annoyed me as its hard enough feeling great about your body shape when pregnant without having the media say that maternity clothes aren't fashionable... well maybe instead of bitching about maternity clothes they could design some that don't make you look like you are massive or that have some design to them... having said that Pumpkin Patch and Egg maternity do a great line of maternity clothing they just don't cater for those over a size 18.

I am actually quite annoyed about this sort of media portrayal that pregnancy is only for the skinny beautiful people.... or that breastfeeding is sexual in some way..... it doesn't help any of us when these images are what is portrayed to us in the media, maybe I should be less sensitive about it but I do get annoyed with the images we are shown and the lack of reality to some of them. I happen to quite like my pregnant belly and I have no problem with breastfeeding so stop trying to make us feel bad because we don't want to conform to the medias ideals.


nice morning out

I actually put some of my learning to goo use this morning, I spent the morning chatting with a lovely woman at the maternity resource centre, shes just started university so we discussed societal constructs on all sorts of things and the pressures on women to conform that are based upon what men think they should be.....

It was great to actually use my brain for something other than stuff I do at home, Its made me start thinking again about all sorts of things and I am sure by the time this baby is a bit older I might actually have come up with a use for the knowledge that I have.

I have also decided that I am going to sort out my sewing space so that Ben can use my big table to write at, we dont have a lot of spare space in this house but he needs to be writing his phd so I thought I would make a nice space for him to use.

I have also decided that I am going to do my best to enjoy these last 12/13 weeks of my pregnancy, this is definitely my last baby so after all the ups and downs I have had I want to start getting things ready for him or her and to just enjoy all the things that this pregnancy is bringing. I think I have been feeling quite negative in a lot of ways about being pregnant yet I should be celebrating that I am pregnant and that this baby is wanted.

So thats me for the start of the week, I have a couple of things to achieve and I am going to get on to it this afternoon while the wee fella has his nap

Sorry for not blogging

but its not really possible from a hospital bed. I have spent from Monday night till yesterday in Hospital with unexplained breathlessness... it started on Monday and I just couldn't breathe very well, Ventolin didn't help so I went to the Dr's, he did some bloods and I came home etc. Well the after hours Dr's rung and told me to go to A and E to get reassessed, so off I went, we got there around 8:30pm, I was finally seen after 1am, and sent to a ward around 6:30am on Tuesday morning, seems they thought I had a blood clot on my lungs which was really scary, so after days of testing and CT scans etc they had me seen by a respiratory Dr yesterday.

He has decided I have something called Hyperventilation Syndrome, which is when my brain receptors think they need more oxygen than they actually do, so the way to control this is to breathe deeply when it happens and just reset my brain signals over time.

Ben has been amazing, hes looked after the kids and been really great. I saw a social worker too while I was in there and they are organising some home help for me for the rest of my pregnancy which will make a big difference for us.

Today I am finishing a dress I made (just the hand sewing left) and enjoying the time with my beautiful family,


angry, angry, angry

yep I am angry, dunno specifically what at, but its there simmering away under the surface. Well I do know some of why I am angry, one reason is that Ben gave away a coffee table that was given to me as a kid and i have searched the op shops and cant find it.... so that's one grrrr........

the second is that I have bloody crutches to use to try to stop my spd getting worse, and i am angry that I have to use them, and that I am only 25 weeks pregnant so looking at 15 weeks of trying to wrangle crutches and a 20 month old child. Yep very angry about that one. I don't know what to do about pain relief as most medications are contraindicated for pregnancy, I am thinking about trying a tens machine, or accupuncture or even osteopathy at the moment.

mainly though I just feel angry at myself today.

SPD is trouble.....

yep its back, and not letting up very much either, I have physio on Wednesday so hopefully we will be able to come up with a plan as to how to get to due date without being in utter agony.

I have had to start wearing my bandage and smiley belt all the time (well not to bed) and am being very careful not to sit the wrong way or to aggravate the situation by doing too much.

We think that all the problems last week were due to the SPD as well which is very frustrating, but today I have taken the attitude that it cant kill me so need to get things done...

We had the kids all ready for school on time, I have hung out washing, cleaned the bathroom, done nearly all the dishes and am having a wee break...


lovely sunny day with family

we have had a beautiful day here, its like spring which is so nice, I actually rode my bike for the first time in months which was great but not good for the SPD. Some friends took K down to school to play on the new fitness trail, so once L came home from the market I took her down on her bike too....

L had her first go on K's old bike without trainer wheels which was very exciting for her. K is getting really confident on her new 20" bike, she was confident enough to bike on the road which is very cool.

We had lunch outside with friends, fresh homemade lemonade, and pikelets with jam and cream, yummy, it was nice to eat outside and enjoy our new backyard.

I have made myself a nice preggy skirt today, its black cotton with whit embroidery and a nice stretchy Lycra waistband so I can wear it for quite a while yet.

So its been a lovely start to our weekend, Ben is cooking roast chicken for tea so should be more nice food.


over it

sorry for not posting for a few days, I have been feeling really yucky, first we thought it was a uti, then maybe its my SPD playing up, who knows... I spent 4 hrs at the hospital last night being poked and tested but all we can find is elevated white blood cell count.... its all very difficult and I am finding that I just am sick of having a sore tummy, sore back and feeling very tired.

I am now 24 or 25 weeks so hopefully this baby will be born in around 15 or so weeks. We are having a couple of issues as to due date, but have decided that we will go with the 24th which was O's due date too.... My midwife isn't too worried about dates though unless I go over due which is a possibility but one that we are not too bothered about. She has suggested that I start taking evening primrose oil from 36 wks which helps with getting things ready for birth. With being at hospital for so long yesterday it was good as I was able to talk to her about bits and pieces, like if this baby is breech that I want to try a vaginal delivery first, I don't want a c section unless absolutely necessary.

The two Ob/gyn that I saw last night were two who did my ectopic pregnancy emergency which was good as they already knew what had happened... they were pleased that I was pregnant again and impressed at how quickly considering I lost part of a tube.

Anyway enough rambling about this all. d

not feeling very happy

its Friday and I feel grumpy, the weather is gross which doesnt help, I feel cold and arent able to get warm and am just feeling really down today.

I am feeling a bit down about all sorts of things at the moment, the weather is getting to me, so is the housework, the kids, the husband etc... I dont even have much patience for my expanding belly today, I have been going to bed early but arent sleeping that well, between kids waking and my bladder needing emptying I dont get more than 3 hrs sleep in a row which isnt helping much either.

At the moment I just want to crawl into bed and have a wee snooze but thats not going to happen, O will have a sleep this afternoon, and L is pretty easy to entertain, shes learning how to play better on her own which is really good.


I broke the swiss ball at physio

I have been getting physio for my dodgy hips and was sitting on the swiss ball near the end of our session when next thing you know I was flat on my back, the only thing to do was just laugh because we all know those damn balls arent supposed to burst. The poor physio was quite concerned, its not a good look to have pregnant women laying on their backs laying because of a broken ball.

So I am ok from this wee fall, my bottom is a bit sore though, and my pride just a little dented, yes I am overweight but those damn balls are weight tested to over 1000 pounds and I sure as heck arent that big.

uncomfy bump

I am 23 weeks pregnant today, so anywhere from 15 to 19 weeks to go... baby has been laying in a transverse position until up to today, its been very uncomfortable and made bending in half very hard.

Over night it seems to have moved over to my left and is laying up and down.... am feeling a bit better after that. Last night I had to go to bed early as my head wasn't feeling good, was really light headed and dizzy if I moved to quick, the joys of pregnancy hm mm

I get asked if this is my last baby and I say yes definitely, its interesting how many people think that we will have more... but its not going to happen, I also get the do you know what you are having question... and the "as long as its healthy". that second comment I just don't get, if its not healthy then it means a bit more stress on us but its not like we would love it any less. it just seems like such a strange thing to say in some ways, yes we would like it to be perfect but if it isn't so what.

Anyway, I am enjoying that this is my last baby, I just know that this is my last, and have no inclination at all to have more than the four this will give us.

walking to school and back

the best thing about where we live (other than that we own it) is that we are on the same street as school, our house is number 7 school is number 41, so we are very close and on the same side of the road.

We walk to school and back three times a day due to kindy finishing at 12:30 and then picking miss K up at 3pm.... well its taken a few weeks but today she walked home (well scootered actually) by herself, she knew not to take the small shortcut and use the loop in the road. I am really proud of her, shes only 6. She seemed very proud of herself when she got home too... it was great because she gets to develop self confidence, and be aware of her surroundings, we have talked to her about not talking to people she doesnt know, not stopping and just walking home to us.

It also means that I can move O's sleeps to the afternoons and he wont have to be woken every day to go get one of his sisters from school or kindy.

Its neat that shes growing up and getting to experience things that a lot of children dont get to because of distance or other circumstances that mean they are taken to and from school.

my Eldest child is 6 today

wow, we have made it this far, yay. K is 6, sometimes I look at her and wonder how shes grown up so much and how beautiful she is. Shes an awesome person and I am glad shes my daughter.

We got her a new bike and backpack, the bike is a 20" with gears so a bit of a step up for her, but shes very excited that shes got a big bike....

I can still remember really well the day I gave birth to her. The day before we had thought it was going to happen so Ben stayed home for the day and we watched NZ win the Netball world cup. I talked lots to Mum on the phone and was really excited. That evening we went up to the hospital because I hadn't had the required 10 kicks and got monitored, (thats the night I met my current midwife).

The next day I just snoozed, and mucked around wondering if "baby" would make an appearance before my Mums surgery the next morning. I had another day of not getting enough movement so organised to meet my Midwife at the hospital at 8:15pm. Around 8pm we checked some stuff online and I had my first contraction, we met our Midwife as organised, and after monitoring on the CTG we decided that it was all go, by this time Ben and I started thinking that baby would be born on due date. But that wasn't to be...

K was born at 10:17pm, just over 2 hrs after my first contraction. It was all very fast and now when I look back it seems a bit too quick in some ways. Unfortunately I had a huge hemorrhage after I had her and ended up in theatre which wasn't great. K was small for being on time and on the 23rd she went to neonates for treatment for jaundice and being cold. It was a bit scary as all my family were in Dunedin with Mum.

It was great that she was born on the 22nd, Mum knew she had a Granddaugther before she had her heart surgery and had seen pictures of her.

So thats a rough birth story of how we had our wee girl....D

RED footwear

As any girl who went to Southland girls can attest, red shoes are the worst part of the uniform.... I hated them with a passion, bright red lace ups, yucky... well today I found some new maturity when it came to red footwear... I bought some red lace up boots for winter, they are funky and I love them, nothing like those horrid shoes, but I do wonder why its taken 15 years for me to venture near red footwear again?

I still dont wear forest green though which was the colour of two of my school uniforms, possibly because I look horrid in forest green, and secondly because I was bullied a lot at those two schools so do not have fond memories of wearing that colour.

But for today I celebrate the release from my fears of red shoes, and feel very sexy in my hot red boots.

loving being in the south

We are still just mucking around at Mum and Dads. Rebecca took the girls for a drive in her wee MGB today, it was sunny so we put the hood down, apparently they just cracked up the whole time with laughter.

Its lovely and sunny here today so I am going to take the kids down to the harbour for a look. Its something we like to do, I doubt the waves on the breakwater will be very good though, there's no wind.

Its nice just doing nothing, pretty much what we would have done at home but we are in Oamaru instead, Rebecca took the girls to see Hannah Montana yesterday. It sounds like they really enjoyed it, I am glad that I didnt have to go though.


Posting from the Mainland

Yep, I am in Oamaru, its cold today, overcast, but we did have a frost over night, the kids are absolutely loving being here, they were so excited that driving to Wellington it was are we there yet....

Things arent 100% great down here, Mums close friend died from Leukemia last week, she was only diagnosed 3 weeks earlier. Its been a huge shock to them as she was only 53 years old.

We have a pretty quiet week planned and I am looking forward to seeing my sister tomorrow providing that shes not snowed in again.

Anyway its great to be here and just hanging out with my parents.


quiet weekend at home

We have had a relatively quiet weekend here which has been a nice way to start the holidays, yesterday Ben made us pikelets for breakfast, I did a sausage sizzle fundraiser for Girls brigade, we just generally mucked around the house.

Today I have managed to sort our living room out which is great, its actually normal looking and has more furniture than just a couch, tv, and camp chairs.Tomorrow I think I might attack the kitchen and/or the washing, the rain puts a dampener on getting washing dry.

I also need to look at packing to head south on Thursday. But for now I am enjoying one sorted room, the smell of chicken roasting and relative quiet as the kids watch Postman Pat.

The only bad bit has been that Mr O is sick, hes got a temp and in very clingy, turns out he has a chest infection, poor wee thing totally explains why hes miserable.


Tricky social situation

I call on you my readers (if I have any) to help me with suggestions on how to deal with a tricky social situation that has occurred.

WE asked Miss K who she would like to come to her birthday later this month, first it was her whole class.. we convinced her that wasnt happening, next we said 4 friends... so she named them a b c d... miss A is not a possiblity due to her mum and I not being on speaking terms at all... we were once friends but that has long since disappeared, the two girls are at school together, girls brigade and church. Its not an easy situation to handle but I havent had to face this yet.

So do we blanket say no miss A cant come, or explain why she cant come, or do we invite her?

Help invited please

heading south...

Yay, the kids and I are going to Mum and Dads for a week, We are flying from Wellington to Chch on Thursday week and then flying back on the last Friday of the school holidays, I have two very very excited Little girls who cannot wait to see Grandma and Grandad and Aunty Rebecca. I am also very excited, I haven't been down south since before Christmas so it will be nice to head down there.

In other unexciting happenings I have now got a nasty chest infection, Dr thinks I will probably catch every bug the kids get but worse this winter due to being pregnant and having Asthma, gee thanks, just what I needed. I had a cold last week when K had a chest infection and its just not gotten better so now I have antibiotics to take to see if we can get rid of this chest infection that I have.


Mum has had to be zapped 2x in the last month due to her heart going into Atrial Fibrillation. It times like this that I hate being up here and not able to just go see her and Dad. I have looked online and could get fares for $250 return from welly to chch.... I am wondering if its worth taking the kids down there next week during the school holidays.

We could go down after I have my scan next week. mmm might have to talk to Ben about it this evening, its a possiblity price wise, it just depends on whether we can budget it in for the next fortnight or not.

Breastfeeding vs formula feeding

I have done both so have no set line on one which is better, but I do know that for me I prefer breastfeeding my babies, K was bottle and breastfed, L breastfed until 11 months, and O was exclusively breastfed till 6 months then continued feeding till 14 months.

Lauredhel has an interesting blog on discrimination against breastfeeding that women face. I read this and thought about it a bit and knew I had to link to it. People do think that they can comment on you breastfeeding your child in public, especially once the child is over 1 yr old. Breasts are made for breastfeeding, they arent sexual property in this case. Women should be supported in which ever way they decide to feed their child, we are all mothers together and need to remember this instead of allowing people to make us feel crap about the job we are doing.

busy day ahead

I have miss K home with a chest infection, shes so wheezy sounding. I also have a midwife appointment which will be neat, will have to take Miss K and O with me. K will love it though, she will get to hear bubs heartbeat etc which will be cool for her. I have booked my anatomy scan for the 7th, will be exactly 20 wks, its during the school holidays which will be good, K is very excited about it.

I also have Physio later today, and then we have Miss K's parent teacher interview just after 5.

Had better get going for the day, K and O are watching TV, L is at kindy, and I need to get moving.

The house

I have added this picture so people have an idea of what I am talking about, no interior pics so far....

naming baby

I am nearly 18 weeks pregnant with this baby, and have been thinking about names for it, the girls name is sussed, we will just use the name we had chosen for Mr O. Natalya Kerenza, it goes nicely with the other names of our children, but I am really really struggling to find a nice boys name for bump, we like the idea of using Rata as a middle name, Rata is a native tree. But I want a name that is strong, not too traditional but not so far out there that people say wtf were you thinking.

We also like to have the name chosen before I give birth. I dont beleive that you name the baby on how it looks to you, to me they grow into their names, I have certainly grown into my own one, my Mum's theory is that you are an adult for far longer than you are a child so you need a name that reflects that.

So the hunt for a name is on...

The new house

We are slowly getting settled in, I am loving not using the car everyday to take the girls to kindy or school, its nice to just put O in the Mountain buggy and walk them down to school or kindy.

I have put drapes up in most of the rooms, just ours and the kitchen left to sort out. I havent got a sewing machine at the moment so I arent able to make the blinds yet.

We managed to get our room painted though before we shifted our furniture into it so its looking nice and fresh. The living room is still a work in progress but it will be done hopefully over the next few weeks.

I am slowly catching up on the washing etc that needs done, and we have had a few frosty days in a row which has been great for drying clothes outside.

We have gotten rid of all our old crockery and cups etc which has been great, its nice to be using the new dinnersets that we got.

I am now on the lookout for a smaller microwave as ours takes up half of our benchtop which isnt good. I will keep looking on Trademe and see what I can find, I am also looking for a gate to go across the driveway so that we can keep Mr O in the backyard.

We are enjoying living here its a nice quite street which is a change after being by a swimming pool and sports grounds,


back online

its taken forever but I am back... yay. took Telecom over a week to connect the phone which was really frustrating, and then 2 days to get broadband.

the new house is great, we have pulled the fireplace surround off, stripped the wallpaper in the living room and our room, painted our room, and just settled in really.

Its great not having to use the car everyday, and I am walking to school and back up to 3 times each day.

Miss L starts morning kindy this friday which is very exciting for her. K is loving being so close to school and O is cutting his eye teeth so grumpy.

I have started Physio for my SPD. Its still pretty sore, but its good to be trying to do something to prevent it getting worse.


off line till telecom sorts us out

we are nearly completed the shift but telecom are bloody useless and will take 8 to 10 working days to connect our internet and phone, which is stupid, so will probably be off line from tonight till sometime next week.....

will be good to have some time off here but will miss it too

so next time I blog it will be from our new place, yay

Down Under Feminist Carnival....

Ok, I have finally had 5 minutes here to get online to put the festival up... more articles will be added tomorrow when I have more time, huge thanks to Deborah for the help she gave me.... never again will I try to do this and shift too......

It's not sex, it's rape

Fuck Politeness tries to work out what the Sydney Morning Herald is on about when it says, "there was no suggestions the woman [Clare] had been sexually assaulted."

The Queen of Thorns at Ideologically Impure finds that there are instances where the media can use the word rape: hint - broad daylight, random attacker, lots of witnesses.

The ex-expat at The Hand Mirror debunks some common rape myths.

The outing of rugby league as a refuge for rapists.

The Radical Radish reflects on the program, and goes through the issues, and mscate at The Dawn Chorus summarises the issues in her reaction to the Four Corners program. These two posts are as good a place as any to start with if you're trying to work out what this whole story is about.

Audrey and the Bad Apples talks about the standard of mutual respect and enjoyment, and how it surely wasn't present on that night.

Helen at Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony fills out the bingo card.

Blue Milk describes Matthew Johns' "apology" as a textbook study in male attitudes to sexual violence and exploitation.

Fuck Politeness is ill from all the victim blaming.

The Radical Radish wonders why all the focus is on Matthew Johns - does this mean other men are off the hook?.

Lauredhel catches SMH reporter Asher Moses calling a woman who was raped "slutty."

Deborah has a take down of an academic who blames women for getting raped, just in big words.

Pavlov's Cat wonders how on earth getting together to degrade women can be team bonding.

Spilt Milk recalls the day when she found out what sixteen and seventeen year old boys really thought about women and sex and rape.

And Tigtog wonders why a man who uses clever words and compliant behaviour to get out of a bad situation is a hero, but a woman who does that when surrounded by lots of big strong rugby players absolutely, must be asking for it.


I Am Not Cake has a message: Stop policing women’s sexual choices. No. No exceptions, no ifs, buts or maybes. Just stop it.


Audrey and the Bad Apples considers the commodification of sex and the autonomy of a woman who auctioned her virginity on the internet.

Fuck Politeness writes about International Whore's Day, in response to Hexy's post at Hoyden About Town, telling the story about how International Whores Day first started.


Mikhela at Fly My Pretty thinks about her reactions to cross dressing her toddler twins.

caitlinate at The Dawn Chorus wonders why The Age insists on referring to a trans male as "she." Beppie is pleased that at least the judge got it right.

HellonHairyLegs considers why, as a radical feminist, she should think about and use the term, "trans."

Chally at Zero at the Bone reflects on the discussion of trans issues by cis people.

Wildly Parenthetical dicusses the policing of intersex bodies.

Guest posting at The Hand Mirror, Louise has a trans-101 post.


She Who Stumbles uncovers the privilege in an environmental campaign.

Jo Tamar has written a series of posts for Reconciliation Week. They are all worth reading, slowly, several times.

Women's work

Blue Milk suddenly remembers the awful truth about "men's work" and "women's work."

Anne Else at Elsewoman reports on the National government in New Zealand axing the Pay and Employment Equity Unit, and pulls apart the government's logic in her column on Scoop.

Hexy argues the case for sex workers representing themselves, not being represented by others, and when she excluded from the discussion elsewhere, makes another response at her own place.

Spilt Milk thinks that she's kind of looking forward to not doing nurturer anymore.

Being feminist

Chally reflects on how she started to identify as feminist.

Deborah answers Blue Milk's 10 feminist motherhood questions.

anjum wonders about the correlation between having daughters and voting left.

Celebrating Women

Andragy points to a review of This Child will be Great, a book about Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the newly elected president of Liberia.

HellonHairyLegs posts a poem by Sylvia Plath.

hannahcolman at The Dawn Chorus talks to Melbourne-based writer and editor Rachel Power.

Tigtog writes about Kirsty Moore, the first woman pilot to join the Red Arrows acrobatic team

Third Cat remembers her mother.

Columnists and writers and other media

Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony responds to Clive James' claim that western feminists don't really want freedom, because they don't support the US bombing various dictatorships back to the stone age.

Fuck Politeness pays tribute to her laptop which tried to save her from reading a Miranda Devine column, in which the Devine one asserts that it's all the FEMINISTS' FAULT!.

Jo Tamar has a fantastic series of posts on the duty of fiction writers to tell the truth: one, two, three, and four.

Chally has a post on Feminist science fiction, and an update on race fail.

Lauredhel comes across a poster that some people found disturbing and offensive; it shows a little girl breastfeeding her doll. And in another "it's a woman, it must be sex" moment, she is astounded that science reporters turn a paleolithic figurine into pornography.


Feminists is Australia, and elsewhere: it's time to pick up your pens and write. The Federal Government is reviewing regulations for access parking (that's parking for people with disabilities), and the proposed new regulations would create huge problems for many PWD. Lauredhel has the details here, a form letter you can print off and sign, and an open letter to disability organisations that you can sign-up to. She's also got a post about what really pisses her off about abuse of access parking, and it's not what you might think.


Things to celebrate: Blue Milk's beautiful baby boy; Inner City Garden has a day off with a good book; Penguin Unearthed looks forward to the end of Mothers' Day; stargazer anjum spends a day with her daughters; here at SAHM Feminist, there's a reminder about International Midwives Day; the ex-expat graduates from her cake decorating class.

down under feminist carnival

I am launching this on Friday, have been so busy shifting that I am struggling to get time near the laptop to even read blogs, but it will be up as promised.


absolutely knackered... in a good way

We have spent most of the weekend doing redecorating at the new place, we have stripped the wallpaper in the living room, plastered any holes etc, sized the walls, and done a coat of paint on the ceiling, one more coat to go and we can hang wallpaper.

I had a sleep in this morning, my hips are killing me from all the up and down steps etc. I am going to take some panadol though and get back into it once I have had my cuppa.

its quite exciting having our own home, I cooked our first meal there last night which was cool. We have taken O's portacot over so hes been able to sleep while we work which has been really good. We have got to take a light fitting out today, its two 6 ft fluorescent tubes in the middle of the living room ceiling, great light but crap in every other way. D

we now own our own home.....

well us and TSB Bank, but its a great feeling, got the keys this morning, K got to walk home from school for the first time ever which was cool. We have stripped one wall of wallpaper already, and have a big weekend planned doing stuff over there. We really want to get the ceilings painted as the previous owners were smokers so things are yellowed with it. We had yellow tobacco stained water running down the walls while we stripped the paper this evening, was so gross.

The girls are going away with their Uncle and Grosspapa to National park and will see some of their cousins which will be great for them. So we only have the wee fella to look after which will be neat.



I have slightly gotten over my CMH visit, but still am fuming a bit about it. I am seeing my Midwife today so hoping to talk to her about what other services might be available for us. It will be good to see her as I will get to hear baby's heartbeat. I am 14 weeks now, so 2nd trimester which is really good. I also have to get a physio referal from her as my hips are getting worse, have started wearing stretchy bandage to help them.

In other events, we get the keys to our house on Friday which is really exciting. We have worked out pretty much which colours we are going to paint, and we are going to do some areas of magnetic paint on the kids walls too....


why bother????

Some days I wonder why I even try to do things or try to get better. I have just had my 30 minute assessment at CMH, and they are going to contact Barnardos as that is a better place for me to be... because I didnt list my mood as my biggest stress/problem I obviously arent sick at all... Or maybe its just that to me I have gotten so used to the low mood that I dont actually think about it that often, its just there.

Anyway I have come back in a grump, am all weepy and confused.


very scared

I have my appointment with CMH tomorrow, I am freaking out, I have had two bad experiences with them now so am feeling very wary of it all.

I am also scared of shifting, I shouldnt be but am freaking out about it, I havent started packing, I just dont even know where to start with it.. at least my clean washing pile is now all folded and put away, but thats not getting everything packed.

I am struggling with it all, part of me really wants to move, yet I am scared of the unknown, scared of making new neighbours etc.... just plain scared really.

Part of the shifting process has meant we have decided to get some new things.....

We bought new dinnersets today, we havent had a new one for ages and our plates and cups are looking terrible, so we decided to get a new one. Mitre 10 had a special on a nice plain white Maxwell and williams one, it was 2 sets for $79... so we bought two lots of two, so we can feed up to 16 people now, yay.

Bens new blog

Ben has started his own blog to document the changes/plans we have to make the new house warmer.

We have got the first of our paint today, and I am hoping to go look at Mitre 10 this afternoon just to see what their prices are like for kitset kitchens etc.



I am feeling better which is really good.. not 100% but around 90% which is fine by me, we had a final inspection of the house today and we are getting quite excited about it. We got a guy to quote how much to put the heatpump in that we want, and we also looked at paint colours for the interior.

We both walked to school to pick K and L up, was really nice just looking at our new street with the autumn leaves on the ground and the nice birch tree along the street. We get the keys sometime next Friday, so are thinking we would like to paint the ceilings and strip wallpaper etc over Queens Birthday weekend and then move in over the weekend of the 6th of June.

I am on a box hunt tomorrow, will head to supermarkets to see if I can get some apple boxes for packing... I so need to get started on it.

On the tummy front, my waist is now bigger than my bust so definitely got a bump showing, its just the right height that when L runs towards me she nearly hits into it.


I have the Flu... and it suxes

I have had the flu since I was pregnant with Orion and I am not enjoying it at all... at least its not a uti, but it feels about the same. Apparently when you are pregnant the muscles are stretching a lot and having the flu means that instead of an all over body ache it goes to where you are sore anyway.

So my aching back and tummy are from having the flu. I am hoping that it clears up in the next day or two, I arent liking being sick at all...


I am sick, and so not happy about it

I woke up yesterday morning feeling ok, Went to church parade for Girls brigade and by the time I got home was in lots of pain, spent the afternoon in bed, then text my MW who came and did a dipstick test... we are pretty sure I have a UTI, which is not at all what I need at the moment, I am drinking lots of water and have started antibiotics this morning.

WE also discussed my hip pain with her and shes willing to refer me to physio which will be great, the sooner we can get onto this the better really.

I have spent the morning sleeping and am still in my pj's Ben has stayed home to look after the kids etc.

Lets hope that I can get on top of this before too many days past as we are supposed to be shifting in the next couple of weeks.

What is SPD?

I thought that I better clarify what SPD is... other than a german political party its a medical term called Symphysis Pubis dysfunction/disorder... Its when the ligament that is in the front of your pelvis stretches too far during pregnancy causing immense pain and discomfort and for some people totally immobility.

I had it pretty bad last time, and when I went to get out of bed this morning I had shooting pain that was not nice.. so it seems that I will need to contact my Midwife this week to see what sort of plan of care we can try to minimise the impact that this has on me. I am determined to keep as mobile as possible, and to avoid crutches unless necessary. Am a bit frustrated as I am only 12 weeks pregnant so its quite early, but I was around 18 weeks with mr O when it started so maybe its just normal for me. Yet another reason for this to be our last baby :)

sore hips... hoping its not SPD already

I had this really bad when pregnant with Mr O... ended up using crutches for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy with him.. I had sore hips when I went to bed last night, and they were still sore this morning.

I am really hoping that I dont get SPD this time, but its not looking hopeful at this stage. I am thinking about talking to my Midwife about using accupuncture to ease the pain because I would like to be able to avoid using painkillers until I really have too...

I have a smiley belt that I can use later and tube elastic bandages that will help support my hips and bump. I am also thinking more about how I sit etc and how to avoid putting too much pressure on my hips at the moment.


still here :)

off to do the kindy run just soon, am freezing cold still but getting used to it. Am totally sick of the rain, its been raining off and on for over a week now. feel like I am always wearing my goretex outside.

my mood is okish, not brilliant, and not really low either, I am 12 weeks pregnant now and the morning sickness seems to have eased, am craving willie wonkas raspberry twisters though which is par for the course for me, did the same with the other three too lol.

Its just over two weeks till we get the house, its quite exciting. I got all the drapes etc so it wont take much to do them once we get in. just have to get off my butt and start packing. D

feeling better today

So I am feeling a bit better, I got the keys for the house for the day so was able to go and have a couple of looks and show some friends it. A friend and I measured all the windows then went out to Spotlight to work out how much it would all cost... we found a specials table with 50% off and thought that was good, well it turned out that it was a $10 table, so I was able to get curtains and drapes and rods for all of the house for $250, some of the drapes we will remake into blinds, and we got some fabric to make two blinds for our bedroom... I am so happy with my purchase, I added up the total of the original prices and it worked out to $1100.

So now we might have some money left to buy some paint and paint before we actually shift in which would make life a lot simipler.

So am feeling good about the house, it was nice to look around it again and start working out where furniture will go etc.


Happy Mothers day

I have had a lovely lazy mothers day, I got to have a nice sleep in, K brought me two cards and a flower pottle she had made. I watched Juno, which was very cool and Ben took us out to Cafe cuba for early tea... so a nice day

Have yet to ring my Mum cos shes gone to Mount Cook with Rebeccas stuff for her new place.

And to all my friends who are mums... you all do an awesome job.

so its Saturday....

I got to stay in bed till 9am, pretty good for around here, the kids and Ben have gone to the market to get fruit and veges which is nice for them... I have surfed a little, kept the fire going and decided I will have a shower just dont want to have one in a freezing bathroom.... My mood is okish...

On other news the house we live in has sold, yay, so no more real estate agents coming through etc, it only took a week which is great for Mum and Dad, and for us, means we can get on to packing this weekend.

I have decided against doing the Landmark forum this month, I am not ready to do it, and am a bit too unstable to even try being away from my family for a weekend. Instead I will do it in August with Rebecca, which had been our original idea to do it together.



just rung cmh... they have sent me a letter and an appointment... wont be seen till the 25th... cant say I am very happy about it at all.... D

not much better today

still feeling pretty low. And I just cannot seem to get warm in anyway, I am totally frozen, I have merino tights, singlet and top on and am cold, the fire is going and I am cold.

I read an article in New scientist a while ago that mood was linked to whether we are feeling hot or cold and that feeling cold can lead to depression, was an interesting article.

I am still waiting to hear back from the mental health team... cos I am "safe" i think they will take a while to get back to me.. but its stupid really, my mood is very low I am struggling, but I would never commit suicide so I arent a big priority.

I am certain that I would never do it, I have certainly thought about it a lot, I know how I would do it etc. But I wont. My cousin killed himself when I was 16, I saw the impact that his death had on those who loved him, I saw the guilt associated, the questioning etc. So I know that I could never do that to my family.

damn this is a depressing read.... but its pretty much where I am at at the moment.

life is good so why am i feeling so down

Ok, my life on paper looks pretty good yet I am not coping, I feel sad, lonely, anxious, stressed and scared. Ben challenged me this morning as to whether I was depressed, after some time thinking about it I came to the conclusion that he was right, I am displaying all my usual symptoms and some extras.

So about half an hour ago I rung the community mental health team and have asked for some help. Damn hard decision to make and I am still feeling pretty strange. But I needed to make it.

I have been spending money we dont have on stuff I dont need... (one of my stress indicators), I am sleeping more than I really need, I am constantly cold, my mood is low, I couldnt particularly care how I am looking and overall just feel crap.

Even writing this is proving to be painful, my life should be looking great and it is, but I just cannot get out of my own way to even enjoy it a little bit.


freebirthing/no medical assistance part 2

I wrote this piece more in amazement that people would use utube as a guide to childbirth than to say that the women who lost her baby was wrong, I actually feel sorry for that woman. To lose a child in any circumstance is a horrible thing for any parent to go through. The first post was not meant to be in judgement of her. It was more querying having freebirths

I do question though the decision to go into childbirth without any medical assistance. I can understand women wanting autonomy over their own bodies but at what cost.... I think that autonomy over your body can be maintained in childbirth, it takes very good relationships and trust of the people that you have there with you.

I was kind of shocked at the british couple using utube to work out how to birth their child when she was in labour... I have never been to Britain but would assume that most parts of it are within 3hrs easily of medical facilities. It just seemed like an odd choice to make, I can understand their desire to have a homebirth, I would love to have one but cant. I just wondered about how they did it and why they didnt ring a midwife or a dr to help.....

International Midwives day

Today is the day to say thanks to our fabulous midwives and the awesome care that they provide to our Mums, babies and families.

With Mr O I ended up with 5 different midwives, each was different and provided differing care, My final two were in Oamaru and were amazing, they supported both myself and Benjamin to make the choices that suited us for the birth and care during and afterwards. For the girls I had the same midwife and she was great esp when everything went to custard after K's birth.

This time after my previous experiences I have been really fussy about who I chose to support us in my pregnancy and afterwards. I feel happy with the choice that I made and am happy with the care I have recieved so far.

Midwfiery is a demanding profession and I take my hat off to the women and men who dedicate their lives to helping make the start of life better for those they care for

freebirthing/no medical assistance

There has been a wee bit in the media about freebirthing after an Australian women who gave birth without assistance baby died. I was just looking on TVNZ and found this link to a british couple who used utube to watched births so he could deleiver the baby. It was her 4th child and the labour was over 3 hrs... I have had three labours, each under three hours and each time have made it to the hospital with plenty of time and had my midwife there to assist with the birth...

I personally think that choosing to birth a child without any medical assistance is irresponsible, there are many risks involved in childbirth and to blantantly disregard these for your own personal view is not acceptable to me.

I think there is a place for homebirth, but assisted by a trained midwife who can help if needed. free birthing or watching utube for assistance seems rather strange.

32 tomorrow

yep turning 32, I don't know that its a particularly thrilling age to be turning, seems a bit of a non event in some ways, its my 6th birthday in a row that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding, so yet again no celebratory glass of bubbles.

Its also hard because this year is 5 years since my Grandma died. I still miss her heaps she had a big influence on my life and some of the decisions that I have made. It was Grandma who convinced me when I was at a huge low that maybe it was time to start a family, it was Grandma who was one of my biggest supporters at University, and I am glad that she did see me graduate and that she met Miss K.

So I sit here on the eve of my birthday and think about what I have done, what I want to do, and what maybe I shouldn't have done... I have done all sorts of things, have been on the governing council of the Labour party, completed a university degree and my teaching diploma, had three gorgeous children, been married to an awesome man for 11 years, been a women's rep on various groupings/committees, lost some people very close to me, suffered 3 major depressive episodes, watched my Mum go through heart surgery, laughed with my sister, watched Bathurst with my Dad.....

no homebirth for us

I had my midwife visit today, so I talked to her about the possiblity of having a homebirth, at first we thought it might work then as we talked about what happened after K's birth so decided that a homebirth is not the right choice for us.

I got to hear the heartbeat, which was really cool. I am only 10 weeks and looking at my tummy I look a lot further along, a mum at school today said to me "wow you have popped out" and shes right. I have popped out quite quickly, but the same happened with O so I arent too concerned at the moment. It was awesome to hear the heartbeat, its so fast, a bit like a horse galloping in a way.


hair going natural colour tonight

I have bought a packet of dye that is very close to my natural colour and tonight I am going to dye my hair. Its got over an inch of regrowth so I at least had a good idea of what colour I needed to do it.

as I have said previously I haven't had my hair my natural colour for 11 years, so its going to be a bit strange in some ways, I am not going to dye it for the next year which will be nice in some ways, a bit of freedom from the regrowth and the cost of getting it done.

K and I are measuring my tummy before she goes to bed which will be interesting. I am only 10 weeks, but that's according to the scan dates, I put myself at 11 weeks tomorrow, I have the midwife on Thursday so will talk to her about home birth and my dates.

back home and happy

I had an awesome time in Chch, was so cool to see my Lil sister graduate and I was so proud of her and her achievements. Was a pretty rushed trip but great to see people etc, even saw a couple of my old lecturers which was cool.

On other very exciting news, we went unconditional on our house on Thursday, we are really stoked and it was stressful getting there, now just to sort everything out and move on the 29th of May.

K informed me yesterday after not seeing me for 4 days that I had a big belly, and shes right, so each tuesday we are going to measure me to see how much bigger I am getting, will be a bit of a giggle and really cool for her to see the differences that occur.


off line for the next couple of days

I am off to Christchurch tomorrow morning for my sisters graduation, I have decided not to take my laptop with me. I am having some time out from the net etc.

I am taking the wee fella with me which will be nice, the girls are staying home with Ben.

The house sale goes unconditional on Friday which is very cool. Been very stressful but it should all work out in the end.


damn nasty chest infection

I am crook as a dog at the moment, morning sickness combined with a chest infection is not doing me wonders. I know its worse because of the stress we are under at the moment with trying to buy a house and the stress just isnt getting any better.

I am actually going to head to the bathroom soon and run myself a lovely bath, light some nice scented candles and relax. I am also hoping that the steam will help clear my nose and chest a bit too... yay.

I find baths really relaxing, I would love to have a spa bath at some stage but its not going to happen anytime soon. Thats one of the reasons that I would love to have a water birth, the water is just so calming for me, just about like a meditative thing in some ways. So off I go to have my nice relax and time out. D

ps... I didnt have my bath, instead I sat in bed and watched "under the tuscan sun" with Ben which was really nice

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