no homebirth for us

I had my midwife visit today, so I talked to her about the possiblity of having a homebirth, at first we thought it might work then as we talked about what happened after K's birth so decided that a homebirth is not the right choice for us.

I got to hear the heartbeat, which was really cool. I am only 10 weeks and looking at my tummy I look a lot further along, a mum at school today said to me "wow you have popped out" and shes right. I have popped out quite quickly, but the same happened with O so I arent too concerned at the moment. It was awesome to hear the heartbeat, its so fast, a bit like a horse galloping in a way.


hair going natural colour tonight

I have bought a packet of dye that is very close to my natural colour and tonight I am going to dye my hair. Its got over an inch of regrowth so I at least had a good idea of what colour I needed to do it.

as I have said previously I haven't had my hair my natural colour for 11 years, so its going to be a bit strange in some ways, I am not going to dye it for the next year which will be nice in some ways, a bit of freedom from the regrowth and the cost of getting it done.

K and I are measuring my tummy before she goes to bed which will be interesting. I am only 10 weeks, but that's according to the scan dates, I put myself at 11 weeks tomorrow, I have the midwife on Thursday so will talk to her about home birth and my dates.

back home and happy

I had an awesome time in Chch, was so cool to see my Lil sister graduate and I was so proud of her and her achievements. Was a pretty rushed trip but great to see people etc, even saw a couple of my old lecturers which was cool.

On other very exciting news, we went unconditional on our house on Thursday, we are really stoked and it was stressful getting there, now just to sort everything out and move on the 29th of May.

K informed me yesterday after not seeing me for 4 days that I had a big belly, and shes right, so each tuesday we are going to measure me to see how much bigger I am getting, will be a bit of a giggle and really cool for her to see the differences that occur.


off line for the next couple of days

I am off to Christchurch tomorrow morning for my sisters graduation, I have decided not to take my laptop with me. I am having some time out from the net etc.

I am taking the wee fella with me which will be nice, the girls are staying home with Ben.

The house sale goes unconditional on Friday which is very cool. Been very stressful but it should all work out in the end.


damn nasty chest infection

I am crook as a dog at the moment, morning sickness combined with a chest infection is not doing me wonders. I know its worse because of the stress we are under at the moment with trying to buy a house and the stress just isnt getting any better.

I am actually going to head to the bathroom soon and run myself a lovely bath, light some nice scented candles and relax. I am also hoping that the steam will help clear my nose and chest a bit too... yay.

I find baths really relaxing, I would love to have a spa bath at some stage but its not going to happen anytime soon. Thats one of the reasons that I would love to have a water birth, the water is just so calming for me, just about like a meditative thing in some ways. So off I go to have my nice relax and time out. D

ps... I didnt have my bath, instead I sat in bed and watched "under the tuscan sun" with Ben which was really nice

v8 supercars

I have been a racing fan since I was little, I love the sound of the V8's and enjoy watching it. What I dont get though is the scantily clad women used for advertising, dancing in provocative ways... what is the relevance at all? Do companies think men are so simple that they need sexy women to turn them on before they watch cars race? I also wonder this when it comes to advertising on TV.... the lastest example of not relevent I can think of are the coke zero ads.

The coke ads are supposedly aimed at men who think it will make them look hot and attractive to sexy women covered in cream and chocolate sauce. I know I arent the dempgraphic that this ad is aimed at but I dont get the dumbing down of advertising that makes out men are thick and will drink a product cos it will make them look sexy.

I also dont get half naked men used to advertise chocolate biscuits... it doesnt make me want to go buy toffee pops because it showed half naked men fawning over a "normal" woman.

Maybe I am too PC on this one, but it does bother me the dumbing down of advertising, and the use of scantily clad women as crowd pleasers at V8 races.

Current fashions

ok, I arent 100% up to date with what should be worn at the moment, but coloured skinny jeans look very similar to the bubblegum jeans that my cousins had in the 1980's and the coloured jeans I had at high school. I aren't that old yet seeing some things again is getting scary.

Like wearing tights with long tops, been there done that, and scarily and doing it again, but not full length, just 3/4 tights in summer. My feet get too cold to not wear socks or something on them in the winter. and whats with the check shirts and big belts.. over short shorts? not that flattering really....

Sometimes I wonder what is going to come in next from my childhood, please not brown corduroy knicker bockers...

I guess what fashion I wear this winter is more likely to be influenced by whether my tummy looks big in this lol... than whether my butt looks big for once.



I went to bed at 8:30pm, I was absolutely knackered and really grumpy, so I decided sleep was more important than anything else, I have woken up today feeling a lot better which is good. not quite so worn out feeling which I am liking.

We are still having issues getting a mortgage, the bank that had pre approved us has declined us so we are trying two other banks. its so time consuming, they want copies of everything so I feel like I am running around printing stuff and dropping pages off etc. Its all rather mad in some ways.

I am a bit over it in some ways, the euphoria isnt there about buying a house at the moment, maybe it will feel better once we are sorted $$ wise.

So off to do bank stuff later this morning, and I am going to take the kids for a swim which will be nice for them. D

feeling blah

So although I am excited about going away, I actually feel like crap, I have a chest infection on top of morning sickness which isn't great at all. I am feeling really nervous about getting a mortgage and its all feeling a bit much today.

I have been feeling a bit down lately anyway so its not surprising that I am not feeling great and that its all a bit much. I am going to get dressed and take the kids out for a while, might even go to the park for a change of scenery.


going to chch next week

yay, only for a couple of days, but it will be awesome, just me and the wee fella. My sister is graduating from Lincoln University, which is so cool, she threw her studies in a few years ago then last year went back and finished her degree. What also makes it cool is that Mum and I are both Lincoln Grads too. Mum graduated in 1998, and I graduated in 2000.

I am going to stay with O's godfather which will be cool, might even get to go out with just my parents and sister which will be really strange as that very rarely happens now.

so its going to be quite cool to see my wee sister graduate with her degree and I am really proud of her.

birth... why do women feel like failures?

I read a lot of blogs by other women, some I know personally and some I have never met. A reoccuring theme to those that are by mothers is the inadequacy that they felt because they had a c section or an epidural, that they couldnt give birth properly. It makes me sad that some thing as empowering as childbirth is disempowering women because they feel like they have failed.

I have never had a c section so I dont understand what it is like, what the pain is like afterwards, what the feelings associated with it are like, but I have friends who have coped with it in different ways, some take the as long as the baby is ok approach, others take the I failed approach, it seems to be a dividing issue at parent groups the I have given birth vaginally vs the c sections... it is stupid. Of course giving birth naturally is the preferable option but if the life of the mother or baby is at stake then c sections are necessary. I do question though repeat use of them without trying to give birth vaginally, I do question the number of interventions used that then lead to the c section, the unneccessry inductions because 40 weeks is when pregnancy should end. Says who? pregnancy in humans is between 38 to 42 weeks from last menstrual period. due date, is just an estimated time of arrival, I have had one baby 4 days before edd, one the night before and one at 41 weeks. each was perfect and that was the outcome we wanted.

I am lucky to have had three relatively easy non complecated births, yep they were bloody painful but my pain releif options were limited because of the length of my labours.. pethidine wasnt an option, the gas made me feel gross, a shower helped and anything else just wasnt going to happen because I wasnt in labour for long enough. I am lucky I give birth easily. K's deleivery was great, short, and intense and scary because I was told to expect 12 hrs or more and we got to 3 all up. I then Haemorraged... now that was scary... I had to go to theatre etc, have blood transfusions, didnt get to feed my girl till the next morning, she then ended up in neonatal unit because she was cold and jaundice.... a bloody scary introduction into parenthood.

My second birth was much better, we knew to expect a short labour, that there was the possiblity of pph, but that we would have everything in place to stop it happening, L's labour was great, sunny afternoon, relaxed, what we had planned for. She too had jaundice and spent time in neonates.

O's birth was awesome, I went into labour in the early morning, my dad timed contractions, my parents met him when he was hours old, we were in Oamaru, the birthing unit there is small, and quiet, I loved it, and would be so tempted to go back there if I could.

This time I am thinking about having a home birth, I am throwing ideas around about it, who knows I might just opt for the option I know best and go to hospital, its all early days though.

Anyway I digressed a bit there, I watched the Business of being born again yesterday, and it reinforced for me the fact that women are being made to feel inadequate even before they give birth, that they wont be able to cope with the pain, that its too hard.... we have been giving birth for millenia, often with a midwife to guide us. It seems that birth has become so medicalised that we treat it as part of an illness something that needs fixed that we need Drs for because we cant do it. I have had midwifery care for all three, and am doing the same again, I arent sick, I am pregnant. We need to claim back birth as normal, as something that we can do, I arent saying that intervention shouldnt happen, its is necessary in some cases, just that we need to look at why interventions are happening and why we are made to feel like we are failing if we dont accpet them as "normal"

Childbirth is one of the most amazing journeys that you ever take, to feel like a failure is not an acceptable outcome for me or any other women. We need to talk about our experiences, not just the horror stories, we need to reclaim childbirth as a womens issue, not a "medical" issue

good morning

I am still thinking about home births, but thinking that it might not be a possibility due to the severity of my pph with K and that fact I had to go to theatre afterwards. But if its not I will still be investigating the possibility of a water birth, I really want one, I found the pain so much easier to deal with when I was in the bath with O.

In other things happening, we are thinking about heating for our new house... do we go with heat pumps (air conditioning) or something else? I am leaning towards the heat pump option, and possibly something like a pellet fire for winter ambiance. I have to ring banks today to make an appointment to organise a mortgage which is really scary.

We had a nice long weekend, it was very strange though without our K, she should be back tomorrow and I have missed her more than I thought I would. We still had our traditional Easter egg hunt, which was great, but it would have been better with K here. L seems a bit lost with out her big sister here, but shes been taken out with her godparents twice which she really loved. It left us down to just O which was really different too....

thai pumpkin soup

this is a favourite of mine which I made for tea tonight, so I thought I would share the recipe on here for you all....

Its pretty easy to make and is easy to freeze leftovers later.

so here it is......
Thai Pumpkin Soup (nice and easy and really yummy)

2 onions, chopped
2 tablespoons Olive Oil
1tsp curry powder or 1tsp green curry paste
4 tsp green herb, vegetable or chicken stock powder (or 3 oxo cubes)
4 cups water
2 carrots, sliced thinly
1kg pumpkin, cut into cubes
1 or 2 med sized kumara cut into cubes (or sweet potatoe)
400ml can of coconut cream
1 tablespoon of soy sauce

heat Oil, add chopped onions, cook until transparent, not browned. Add curry and cook for 2-3 minutes, then add stock powder and water. Bring to the boil, adding carrots, pumpkin and kumara, cover and cook until the veges are tender.

Puree in a blender of with whizz stick, pour back into the pot, add coconut cream and soy sauce, bring back to the boil. adjust seasonings if necessary

(cooks note.. I use an extra 2 cups of water and a bit more curry powder when I make it... the whizz stick does a good job of blending it up, tonight I used left over roast veges which gave it an extra bit of flavour too. )

Serve with garlic bread or croutons.

homebirth, is it for me?

Ben watched the business of being born today so he brought up the topic of homebirth and whether its an option for us this time... at first I thought, nah... but now its growing on me and I am wondering if it might be a good option for us.

I had a pph with K so had to have a canula in my hand for the next two, but am thinking I will do some research and see if thats a total reason for me to have a hospital birth this time, my labours are relatively quick (under 3 hrs), and I havent used any pain relief. I would love to have a waterbirth and its a definite option if we have a homebirth.

Childcare would be easier too if we are at home, the kids would be there and could be involved if they wanted to be, but would be able to play if they didnt... this is definitely going to need some further research into the concept. My midwife does do homebirths so am sure she would be supportive as long as there are no medical reasons not too.. eg anaemia...


am I all that stay at home?

A post at The hand Mirror got me thinking about whether there is a better term for parents who are at home raising the children, homemaker isn't that appealing, at home mum is ok, stay at home implies that I actually get to stay at home and not be a taxi for everything, home exec just sounds weird.

It is a strange thing really, I don't know how my Mum classified herself when she was raising my sister and I, but I cant see her being happy being a "housewife" either.

I wonder how my Grandma saw herself, I don't know what labels were used but I am sure she saw herself as a mother/mum first and the household chores bit came second. and where did the term housewife even come from?

I can understand the "wife" bit of it, and the house bit, but it seems a bit degrading of the actual position that it entails. On any given day as a Mum who isn't in paid employment, I make breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinner, taxi children to school and kindy, do washing etc, housework, blog, put smallest child down for nap, organise my time so that all three children are getting what they need at any given time.... sometimes I get to do sewing, and this week coming I will spend time running around banks trying to get a mortgage while its school holidays so will need to entertain three children all day too....

When written down it all seems rather busy and at times productive, yet some days I get to bed time and wonder if I actually achieved anything at all.... and sometimes the what I have achieved is keeping three little people happy, and everything else has gotten pushed aside.

Parenting is a hard job, its rewarding though and I am lucky to be able to choose to be parenting from home and not from work. D

randomness of morning sickness

its nearly 11pm and I am feeling utterly foul, so I just made some vegemite on toast to sort the problem out, the other night at 3am it was peanut butter sandwiches, I get hungry and sick at the same time and eating toast seems to be a good way to sort it out....

Morning sickness is such a stupid name for it really, ok I do feel sick most mornings, but also at teatime, at night time or when I open the fridge to get the milk out time.... its stupid and so frustrating when it hits. I am lucky though, a friend who is 8 weeks a head of me has hypermeisis so has been unable to eat much for the last two months, so I should stop complaining and its not like I haven"t done this 3 times already so really I do know how to stop feeling worse etc, but its seeming harder this time, possibly because I am already tired from having three kids.

In other interesting developments, Miss K has gone to Auckland for the weekend, its very exciting for her and shes gone with her Grosspapa and Uncle to stay at her Aunty's with her fave cousin. L was devastated that K went away, but its great for her to have a safe adventure with family and to spread her wings a wee bit. Its odd though for us, as we have only had 2 or 3 nights without her since she was born. Its strange how little time that they havent been with one or the other of us since we had them, for K and L it would be around a week all up, O has yet to spend a night without Ben or I around.

first home buyers

yep, we are buying a house, am totally freaked out about it, but so happy, its on the same street as school, only 3 bedrooms, but we can alter the layout at some stage to make four. its simple, plain, modest, and it will be ours, (and the banks).

I am so happy, its taken a few months, but we found the house last week, put an offer in straight away, and today we got it, we still need to do the finance etc, but its going to be ours.....

sorry for the ramblely nature of this post, but i am just buzzing, like a kid in a candy shop

End of an Era

Helen Clark gave her valedictory speech yesterday in Parliament, I watched it on the web and felt a huge sense of loss. She is an amazing woman and has been an inspirational leader of the Labour party, and our country. I am sure she will make a huge contribution to the United Nations in her new appointment.

It is strange to think of parliament without her, She became an MP in 1981, and a minister in 1987, the leader of NZLP in 1993. She is probably the main political figure who has remained constant in my lifetime so far. Helen is a remarkable woman who has made a huge impact in her career so far. She is the PM I have respected the most, I remember growing up calling the PM "piggy", and then watching my parents become disillusioned as Labour turned its back on its core beliefs in the 1980s. Helen's steady leadership brought my family back to the Labour fold and the return to core social democratic beliefs for our country.

I joined the Labour party in 1999, I was unhappy with the thought of National having another 3 years in power, I was a student, my student loan was growing daily with interest and I knew that change was necessary.

I have met Helen on many occasions and found her to be warm and caring, and genuinely interested in what was happening to people around her. I have been inspired by her and will continue to be.



It is so cold today, the cold weather started yesterday, I hate feeling cold, so Ben got the fire going for me today, its cloudy and dark and I just want to go back to bed and have a snooze. O is having his sleep and L is watching a dvd, shes a creature of habit, she likes to have quiet time in the mornings by watching a dvd and drinking milo.

We are still waiting to hear back about the house. Fingers crossed, Am thinking at the moment that a couple of heat pumps might be the most efficicent way of heating the new house, it also needs insulated better and some paint etc. We have worked out that we will be able to convert the garage into 2 bedrooms for the girls, so it will go from being 3 bedrooms, 1 living, to 4 bedrooms and 2 living areas which is going to be quite good.

We are looking after a friends wee boy on saturday night, hes going to stay with us which will be quite cool... will get an idea of what having 4 children will be like, hes the same age as O. Am planning the easter hunt, have to get eggs once kids are settled after tea.

A very close friend of ours sent us a suprise email the other night saying that after 6 months without his partner that they have decided they still love each other and have gotten engaged. I am so happy for them, its great to see love triumphing over things, and its so neat that he is happy again. They got engaged on our date too so it must mean something great for their future together.


sleep avoidance

I hate going to bed by myself.... I aren't used to it, and have never lived by myself, I went from home to flatting, then back home, then marriage, then back home(with hubby) then palmy, a year in Oamaru and back up here.... never though have I lived by myself. Its a strange idea really that in 32 yrs of existence I have always lived with other people.

Ben is in Wellington this evening and I find the evenings he is away are the hardest for me to go to bed. I am tired, its late but I struggle to make myself leave the couch and crawl into bed. The kids were all in bed by 7pm so I have had quietness since then, yet I still sit here.

I wonder why it is when I know I need to sleep that I procrastinate and avoid going to bed by myself. I have gotten very used to having Ben sleep beside me and even sharing with one of the kids is better than sleeping alone.. unless Ben is home then I am quite happy to go to sleep by myself.

Its stupid really, I should get used to the idea that I can sleep by myself, but... I have not yet.

waiting, waiting, waiting

still waiting, cos the house we put an offer in on is an estate, it has to go through lawyers etc, which seems to be a very time consuming process... the waiting is driving me even battier than usual. Even the real estate agent is frustrated at not being able to negotiate easily.

So we wait, and think about paint colours and furnishings etc... and a growing baby bump... lol... i think I look pregnant now, probably don't really but when you are looking down the image is more distorted than when you are looking at something face on.

K wants a boy because we only have 2 boys in the family, L wants a girl because shes never had a girl baby to play with. its quite cool how each has justified her position on it.

The morning sickness is ok, but seems to be more of an evening sickness thing this time, generally around 5pm onwards... at least I aren't throwing up though so there are some small mercies in that.

Anyway, daylight saving has ended and with that my body clock is rather confused so I think I will go have a nice milo and head to bed.


13 years tomorrow

Ben and I have been together for 13 years tomorrow, I am quite proud of us, I wasnt quite 19 when we started going out together. We have been married for 11 years, and have 3 wee kids, we have completed 2 bachelors, one masters, a graduate diploma and nearly a phd, not bad really.

I am really pleased that we have come this far and in 13 years time will be looking back thinking wow... we will have 4 teenage children, and who knows what else will have happened. But for now we celebrate 13 years together, 12 years since we got engaged, 11 years marriage, 5 years of parenthood and a whole lot of love shared.


firstly the good news

If any of you are my facebook friends you may have already guessed whats going on for us at the moment.

I am pregnant, a bit of a surprise and all, I went through all the blood tests, and had a scan last week to check that everything is where it should be, I am around 6-7 weeks and due in November.

I have got a lovely midwife to look after us, and now have got used to the idea. I wasn't totally happy at first because it was totally unexpected but now I am used to the idea and even beginning to think that it will all turn out ok. I am quite nauseous and have thrown up a bit today which isn't fun but that was because I had a tooth out today and the chemicals etc have made me feel really gross.

We have also put an offer in on a house which is exciting too, so things feel like they are moving up in a good way. D

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