we now own our own home.....

well us and TSB Bank, but its a great feeling, got the keys this morning, K got to walk home from school for the first time ever which was cool. We have stripped one wall of wallpaper already, and have a big weekend planned doing stuff over there. We really want to get the ceilings painted as the previous owners were smokers so things are yellowed with it. We had yellow tobacco stained water running down the walls while we stripped the paper this evening, was so gross.

The girls are going away with their Uncle and Grosspapa to National park and will see some of their cousins which will be great for them. So we only have the wee fella to look after which will be neat.



I have slightly gotten over my CMH visit, but still am fuming a bit about it. I am seeing my Midwife today so hoping to talk to her about what other services might be available for us. It will be good to see her as I will get to hear baby's heartbeat. I am 14 weeks now, so 2nd trimester which is really good. I also have to get a physio referal from her as my hips are getting worse, have started wearing stretchy bandage to help them.

In other events, we get the keys to our house on Friday which is really exciting. We have worked out pretty much which colours we are going to paint, and we are going to do some areas of magnetic paint on the kids walls too....


why bother????

Some days I wonder why I even try to do things or try to get better. I have just had my 30 minute assessment at CMH, and they are going to contact Barnardos as that is a better place for me to be... because I didnt list my mood as my biggest stress/problem I obviously arent sick at all... Or maybe its just that to me I have gotten so used to the low mood that I dont actually think about it that often, its just there.

Anyway I have come back in a grump, am all weepy and confused.


very scared

I have my appointment with CMH tomorrow, I am freaking out, I have had two bad experiences with them now so am feeling very wary of it all.

I am also scared of shifting, I shouldnt be but am freaking out about it, I havent started packing, I just dont even know where to start with it.. at least my clean washing pile is now all folded and put away, but thats not getting everything packed.

I am struggling with it all, part of me really wants to move, yet I am scared of the unknown, scared of making new neighbours etc.... just plain scared really.

Part of the shifting process has meant we have decided to get some new things.....

We bought new dinnersets today, we havent had a new one for ages and our plates and cups are looking terrible, so we decided to get a new one. Mitre 10 had a special on a nice plain white Maxwell and williams one, it was 2 sets for $79... so we bought two lots of two, so we can feed up to 16 people now, yay.

Bens new blog

Ben has started his own blog to document the changes/plans we have to make the new house warmer.

We have got the first of our paint today, and I am hoping to go look at Mitre 10 this afternoon just to see what their prices are like for kitset kitchens etc.



I am feeling better which is really good.. not 100% but around 90% which is fine by me, we had a final inspection of the house today and we are getting quite excited about it. We got a guy to quote how much to put the heatpump in that we want, and we also looked at paint colours for the interior.

We both walked to school to pick K and L up, was really nice just looking at our new street with the autumn leaves on the ground and the nice birch tree along the street. We get the keys sometime next Friday, so are thinking we would like to paint the ceilings and strip wallpaper etc over Queens Birthday weekend and then move in over the weekend of the 6th of June.

I am on a box hunt tomorrow, will head to supermarkets to see if I can get some apple boxes for packing... I so need to get started on it.

On the tummy front, my waist is now bigger than my bust so definitely got a bump showing, its just the right height that when L runs towards me she nearly hits into it.


I have the Flu... and it suxes

I have had the flu since I was pregnant with Orion and I am not enjoying it at all... at least its not a uti, but it feels about the same. Apparently when you are pregnant the muscles are stretching a lot and having the flu means that instead of an all over body ache it goes to where you are sore anyway.

So my aching back and tummy are from having the flu. I am hoping that it clears up in the next day or two, I arent liking being sick at all...


I am sick, and so not happy about it

I woke up yesterday morning feeling ok, Went to church parade for Girls brigade and by the time I got home was in lots of pain, spent the afternoon in bed, then text my MW who came and did a dipstick test... we are pretty sure I have a UTI, which is not at all what I need at the moment, I am drinking lots of water and have started antibiotics this morning.

WE also discussed my hip pain with her and shes willing to refer me to physio which will be great, the sooner we can get onto this the better really.

I have spent the morning sleeping and am still in my pj's Ben has stayed home to look after the kids etc.

Lets hope that I can get on top of this before too many days past as we are supposed to be shifting in the next couple of weeks.

What is SPD?

I thought that I better clarify what SPD is... other than a german political party its a medical term called Symphysis Pubis dysfunction/disorder... Its when the ligament that is in the front of your pelvis stretches too far during pregnancy causing immense pain and discomfort and for some people totally immobility.

I had it pretty bad last time, and when I went to get out of bed this morning I had shooting pain that was not nice.. so it seems that I will need to contact my Midwife this week to see what sort of plan of care we can try to minimise the impact that this has on me. I am determined to keep as mobile as possible, and to avoid crutches unless necessary. Am a bit frustrated as I am only 12 weeks pregnant so its quite early, but I was around 18 weeks with mr O when it started so maybe its just normal for me. Yet another reason for this to be our last baby :)

sore hips... hoping its not SPD already

I had this really bad when pregnant with Mr O... ended up using crutches for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy with him.. I had sore hips when I went to bed last night, and they were still sore this morning.

I am really hoping that I dont get SPD this time, but its not looking hopeful at this stage. I am thinking about talking to my Midwife about using accupuncture to ease the pain because I would like to be able to avoid using painkillers until I really have too...

I have a smiley belt that I can use later and tube elastic bandages that will help support my hips and bump. I am also thinking more about how I sit etc and how to avoid putting too much pressure on my hips at the moment.


still here :)

off to do the kindy run just soon, am freezing cold still but getting used to it. Am totally sick of the rain, its been raining off and on for over a week now. feel like I am always wearing my goretex outside.

my mood is okish, not brilliant, and not really low either, I am 12 weeks pregnant now and the morning sickness seems to have eased, am craving willie wonkas raspberry twisters though which is par for the course for me, did the same with the other three too lol.

Its just over two weeks till we get the house, its quite exciting. I got all the drapes etc so it wont take much to do them once we get in. just have to get off my butt and start packing. D

feeling better today

So I am feeling a bit better, I got the keys for the house for the day so was able to go and have a couple of looks and show some friends it. A friend and I measured all the windows then went out to Spotlight to work out how much it would all cost... we found a specials table with 50% off and thought that was good, well it turned out that it was a $10 table, so I was able to get curtains and drapes and rods for all of the house for $250, some of the drapes we will remake into blinds, and we got some fabric to make two blinds for our bedroom... I am so happy with my purchase, I added up the total of the original prices and it worked out to $1100.

So now we might have some money left to buy some paint and paint before we actually shift in which would make life a lot simipler.

So am feeling good about the house, it was nice to look around it again and start working out where furniture will go etc.


Happy Mothers day

I have had a lovely lazy mothers day, I got to have a nice sleep in, K brought me two cards and a flower pottle she had made. I watched Juno, which was very cool and Ben took us out to Cafe cuba for early tea... so a nice day

Have yet to ring my Mum cos shes gone to Mount Cook with Rebeccas stuff for her new place.

And to all my friends who are mums... you all do an awesome job.

so its Saturday....

I got to stay in bed till 9am, pretty good for around here, the kids and Ben have gone to the market to get fruit and veges which is nice for them... I have surfed a little, kept the fire going and decided I will have a shower just dont want to have one in a freezing bathroom.... My mood is okish...

On other news the house we live in has sold, yay, so no more real estate agents coming through etc, it only took a week which is great for Mum and Dad, and for us, means we can get on to packing this weekend.

I have decided against doing the Landmark forum this month, I am not ready to do it, and am a bit too unstable to even try being away from my family for a weekend. Instead I will do it in August with Rebecca, which had been our original idea to do it together.



just rung cmh... they have sent me a letter and an appointment... wont be seen till the 25th... cant say I am very happy about it at all.... D

not much better today

still feeling pretty low. And I just cannot seem to get warm in anyway, I am totally frozen, I have merino tights, singlet and top on and am cold, the fire is going and I am cold.

I read an article in New scientist a while ago that mood was linked to whether we are feeling hot or cold and that feeling cold can lead to depression, was an interesting article.

I am still waiting to hear back from the mental health team... cos I am "safe" i think they will take a while to get back to me.. but its stupid really, my mood is very low I am struggling, but I would never commit suicide so I arent a big priority.

I am certain that I would never do it, I have certainly thought about it a lot, I know how I would do it etc. But I wont. My cousin killed himself when I was 16, I saw the impact that his death had on those who loved him, I saw the guilt associated, the questioning etc. So I know that I could never do that to my family.

damn this is a depressing read.... but its pretty much where I am at at the moment.

life is good so why am i feeling so down

Ok, my life on paper looks pretty good yet I am not coping, I feel sad, lonely, anxious, stressed and scared. Ben challenged me this morning as to whether I was depressed, after some time thinking about it I came to the conclusion that he was right, I am displaying all my usual symptoms and some extras.

So about half an hour ago I rung the community mental health team and have asked for some help. Damn hard decision to make and I am still feeling pretty strange. But I needed to make it.

I have been spending money we dont have on stuff I dont need... (one of my stress indicators), I am sleeping more than I really need, I am constantly cold, my mood is low, I couldnt particularly care how I am looking and overall just feel crap.

Even writing this is proving to be painful, my life should be looking great and it is, but I just cannot get out of my own way to even enjoy it a little bit.


freebirthing/no medical assistance part 2

I wrote this piece more in amazement that people would use utube as a guide to childbirth than to say that the women who lost her baby was wrong, I actually feel sorry for that woman. To lose a child in any circumstance is a horrible thing for any parent to go through. The first post was not meant to be in judgement of her. It was more querying having freebirths

I do question though the decision to go into childbirth without any medical assistance. I can understand women wanting autonomy over their own bodies but at what cost.... I think that autonomy over your body can be maintained in childbirth, it takes very good relationships and trust of the people that you have there with you.

I was kind of shocked at the british couple using utube to work out how to birth their child when she was in labour... I have never been to Britain but would assume that most parts of it are within 3hrs easily of medical facilities. It just seemed like an odd choice to make, I can understand their desire to have a homebirth, I would love to have one but cant. I just wondered about how they did it and why they didnt ring a midwife or a dr to help.....

International Midwives day

Today is the day to say thanks to our fabulous midwives and the awesome care that they provide to our Mums, babies and families.

With Mr O I ended up with 5 different midwives, each was different and provided differing care, My final two were in Oamaru and were amazing, they supported both myself and Benjamin to make the choices that suited us for the birth and care during and afterwards. For the girls I had the same midwife and she was great esp when everything went to custard after K's birth.

This time after my previous experiences I have been really fussy about who I chose to support us in my pregnancy and afterwards. I feel happy with the choice that I made and am happy with the care I have recieved so far.

Midwfiery is a demanding profession and I take my hat off to the women and men who dedicate their lives to helping make the start of life better for those they care for

freebirthing/no medical assistance

There has been a wee bit in the media about freebirthing after an Australian women who gave birth without assistance baby died. I was just looking on TVNZ and found this link to a british couple who used utube to watched births so he could deleiver the baby. It was her 4th child and the labour was over 3 hrs... I have had three labours, each under three hours and each time have made it to the hospital with plenty of time and had my midwife there to assist with the birth...

I personally think that choosing to birth a child without any medical assistance is irresponsible, there are many risks involved in childbirth and to blantantly disregard these for your own personal view is not acceptable to me.

I think there is a place for homebirth, but assisted by a trained midwife who can help if needed. free birthing or watching utube for assistance seems rather strange.

32 tomorrow

yep turning 32, I don't know that its a particularly thrilling age to be turning, seems a bit of a non event in some ways, its my 6th birthday in a row that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding, so yet again no celebratory glass of bubbles.

Its also hard because this year is 5 years since my Grandma died. I still miss her heaps she had a big influence on my life and some of the decisions that I have made. It was Grandma who convinced me when I was at a huge low that maybe it was time to start a family, it was Grandma who was one of my biggest supporters at University, and I am glad that she did see me graduate and that she met Miss K.

So I sit here on the eve of my birthday and think about what I have done, what I want to do, and what maybe I shouldn't have done... I have done all sorts of things, have been on the governing council of the Labour party, completed a university degree and my teaching diploma, had three gorgeous children, been married to an awesome man for 11 years, been a women's rep on various groupings/committees, lost some people very close to me, suffered 3 major depressive episodes, watched my Mum go through heart surgery, laughed with my sister, watched Bathurst with my Dad.....

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