due dates

Sometime lately it would have been my due date for the ectopic pregnancy that I had in February, it was kind of strange thinking about it, possibly because I hadn't know I was pregnant there was no emotional attachment to a possible due date.

Not like at the moment where I am counting down the days to my due date and beginning to think about getting ready for bubs arrival, things like packing our hospital bag, putting the clothes in the drawers, bringing the cradle inside.

September would have been the month for doing this if the ectopic pregnancy had occurred in the right place, I have wondered a bit about it, would the pregnancy have been easy, would the smaller gap been ok, all sorts of thoughts really about what might have been if the circumstances had been different,

Instead I am thinking about things for this wee bubba who is due in around 8 weeks, wondering if its a boy or girl, hoping that my hips don't get too much worse, thinking about names, birth plans, breastfeeding etc.

I am also thinking about the fact that this is the last pregnancy that I will carry, I am 32 now, I don't want to be having anymore children, and 34/35 yrs of age had always been my cut off point.

I will miss the growing bump of pregnancy, the first kicks, the tummy rolls from movement, the excitement of a new child but I also know that my body isn't up to another go at this, we will outgrow our wee house if we had more, and probably outgrow our income too.... yep this is it, four is enough.

I wonder how my Grandma coped having 8 children, it must have been hard and she didn't have things like microwaves, automatic washing machines etc. I also wonder how her body coped, she was 40 when she had her last child, so she spent over 16 years of her life being pregnant or breastfeeding which must have taken its toll..... my midwife tells me that bubs has lots of room because everything is stretched from the previous babies and that's a factor in it being a good size, I wonder how Grandmas was by the time she was having number 8.

Anyway, this baby I carry is making me very sore tonight, it seems to have changed where its laying so its off to bed for me.

D