not much better today

still feeling pretty low. And I just cannot seem to get warm in anyway, I am totally frozen, I have merino tights, singlet and top on and am cold, the fire is going and I am cold.

I read an article in New scientist a while ago that mood was linked to whether we are feeling hot or cold and that feeling cold can lead to depression, was an interesting article.

I am still waiting to hear back from the mental health team... cos I am "safe" i think they will take a while to get back to me.. but its stupid really, my mood is very low I am struggling, but I would never commit suicide so I arent a big priority.

I am certain that I would never do it, I have certainly thought about it a lot, I know how I would do it etc. But I wont. My cousin killed himself when I was 16, I saw the impact that his death had on those who loved him, I saw the guilt associated, the questioning etc. So I know that I could never do that to my family.

damn this is a depressing read.... but its pretty much where I am at at the moment.


Deborah said...
May 8, 2009 at 7:03 PM

You will know yourself what factors set depression off for you, but looking from the outside, you have been through a fair amount of grief and stress of late, and of course the grey winter days are setting in too ('though my mother, in New Plymouth, tells me that it is cold but bright and sunny there today). I'm so sorry that you have caught it again.

I saw a beautiful word on Inner City Garden a day or two back: "Buggrit."

Buggrit, I say!

Azlemed said...
May 8, 2009 at 7:06 PM

thanks, its certainly been a stressful first half of the year. I am really frustrated that I cant get any help till the 25th of May, it seems a long time to wait. My GP wasnt able to offer much either, as we have been on this path before and its just time and meds that help.


Azlemed said...
May 8, 2009 at 7:06 PM

and its been pouring for most of this week so no sunshine doesnt make a happy camper....

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