christmas was awesome

We had a lovely time, our parents all got along and the kids were spoilt. We had great food, nice presents and great company.

We spent boxing day pulling out the front fence, its the old concrete from the driveway that the previous owners stacked up and grew plants all over... so now its gone and will be grass instead.

We are waiting for a real estate agent to come today to give us a market appraisal for the property and Ben and I are off to a bank to see how much we will be able to borrow etc. We are hoping to move closer to school and into a better area. We dont like the amount of traffic that cuts across our driveway as it leaves the school/swimming pool, and its only going to get worse when the council changes the parking here.

its exciting to be looking at buying our own home... we are still trying to work out exactly what we are looking for but its going to be good to know figures finacially for doing it.


anxiety goes nuts...

i have often battled with anxiety and today its driving me nuts, i am struggling to get organised for mum and dads arrival, i am feeling a bit panicky about it all, and just about paralysed into doing nothing....

I hate this feeling and find it quite difficult to over come.... any hints would be good... i am trying to think it through rationally and have got some of it done but its not easy.


An amazing gift

some of you who read this will know that my relationship with my in laws has been difficult and very painful. Some of it is my fault some of it is theirs. It has been a very uneasy relationship for the 12 years that Benjamin and I have been together.

Yesterday my Father in law rung me, hes been doing Landmark education and is doing a communication course this weekend. He rung to apologise for how he has treated me and to say he loves me. I am totally blown away by this. We had come to expect uneasiness with bens parents so for this to happen is a huge step for Benjamin, Clemens and I.

I am still in shock and trying to process it all, its a new beginning for us as a family and hopefully will lead to a closer relationship for us all.

We still have difficulties with Bens mum and I don't see this changing anytime in the future. But for now i am celebrating a new possibility of having a closer relationship with my Father in law and for our children to get to know their Grosspapa a lot better.

Christmas does still bring miracles, be they big or small and our family has recieved a lovely one this year.


So i have procrastinated a lot about christmas this year. we finally got a tree yesterday and the girls helped me decorate it. I have done most of the shopping for pressies, just Santa to do, and to make some pressies for our parents.

We have mum and dad arriving on tuesday, and Bens papa on Wed. have heaps to do before that but we are slowly getting everything ready for them

random update

The trip south....

We had a great trip to invers and back... my home town is still pretty much the same as it was when I left 14 yrs ago. It was awesome to catch up with family and to get some new pics of everyone. We stayed with my cousin Sam and her hubby which was really cool. Sam was one of my junior bridesmaids when we got married.

We managed a day trip into mount cook which was fab. was a bummer that it rained but was still worth the trip, we got to look around Beccas work and went to the tasman glacier lake.

On our way back we called into parliament and saw Iain at work. was great to catch up with other mps that we know and Katja got to meet Helen Clark which made her day.

The hair saga is over, I have had some brown streaks added to the top section of hair, and blonde added to the brown, so now its looking really nice and I am happy with it/

I am off to wellington to Tuesday night to attend a landmark thing for my Father in law, its nice to be asked to do something for him,

I still havent got much xmas shopping done, but am feeling more christmaslike after attending the childrens service at church this morning. We have got my father in law and my parents coming up which will be so cool.


cant be bothered..

I am supposed to be packing to head south tomorrow, and my motivation is zero... I have made a list of what we need to take, and thats about as far as I have gotten.

We are heading south for my grandmas 80th birthday, tomorrow night we will stay in chch, then Dad will pick us up on thursday and take us to Oamaru, on Friday we will drive to Invercargill, and all go out for tea with Granny. On Sunday we will head back to Oamaru, then on wednesday drive to chch then fly to wlg then drive home... man it all looks nuts when written down like that, and perhaps it is, but i only have one grandparent left so I am willing to do this for her birthday.

The girls are really excited about it, they love seeing my parents, but I think Aunty Becca (my sister) is more excited about seeing her kids than they are about seeing everyone. thats one drawback of living in the north island.

So I had better get my unmotivated butt into gear and get packed to go south.

ps... i survived the night with the inlaws... as per usual I didnt get spoken to very much by mil, but then I didnt go out of my own way to talk to her, did talk to my fil though which was really nice.

just a quick post

I have been to a different hairdressers today, I've had a toner put through the blonde, and about 3 inches cut off my hair, its looking better, and i think i will cope till january when I can start making the dark hair lighter.

On the saga of the old hairdressers, i rung them yesterday asking for my money back as I wasnt happy with the process etc... they said they would get back to me, which they did this morning.... well to say I am pissed off is being polite, i was pretty much told that it was my fault for getting the colour and beat this that they should have charged me more... wtf?

So I have decided that I will never step foot inside that hairdressers again...

ps on other stuff.. k has moved up two levels for her sight words, L is sticking to her teenage girlfriends like glue (its very cute) and O is sick again (tonsilitis this time)

pps.... we are off to invers next week.... will be fun get to see family and my grandma is turning 80, that is if i survive this weekend in wellington with bens family

crappy hair cont

So its looking even worse today.... will add some pics later... but here are some of it so far... The first pic is saturday afternoon, the second is of Ben and I, the other two are on thursday morning after the stripping process. I am so unhappy with it... hairdresser isnt open till tomorrow and I am just confused as to what to do about it. D

bad bad hair day

ok... you have all seen the pics of the red hair... well it started turning my blonde hair pink so i went back to the hairdressers and she charged me $40 to try to strip the colour... then yesterday she charged me another $80 to dye it again..... its looking yuck and my grandmas birthdya is coming up but thats another story.....

whenever i have had the hairdresser stuff up in the past I havent paid to fix it.... this time i did... I think I will ring tomorrow and complain and ask for a refund as i am totally unhappy about the whole thing and to top it off the red is showing through under the brown.....

I would normally be really proactive on this sort of thing but I arent being... please give advice on what i should do.....


One on thursday

yep hes one this week, it doesn't seem like a year since i gave birth to the wee fella, maybe time does speed up as an adult. This time last year i was in oamaru, with my parents and Ben waiting for this wee chap to arrive, he took another couple of days and arrived in the same rush as his two big sisters. We didn't know that he was a boy which was an awesome surprise when our midwife handed him to us saying its a lovely surprise for you.

He weighed in at 8pd 12 oz and took 2hrs 10 minutes from start to finish to be born. he is also my first baby that i have breastfeed till 12 months, i am really proud of myself for achieving this as i had huge problems breastfeeding k and l wasn't always very easy either.

So Happy birthday little man, we love having you as part of our family

i am sick again

i predicted this on saturday that my body would rebel sometime this week and that i would get sick... well 11pm last night it decided was a good time to do this.

So off i went to the drs this afternoon... in immense pain and discomfort.. turns out that i have a kidney infection so a week of antibiotics, some painkillers, lots of rest and fluids should see me right. I havent had a kidney infection before but its so painful. its taken codiene and panadol to take the edge off it.

Poor Ben had to take the day off to look after us all, and he made yummy chicken soup for tea, and homemade lemonade for us to drink. hes such a good person :)

oh by the way

i achieved my aims for last week... yay.

Sick kiddies

i have three sick kids... i hate it when this happens. K has a chest infection, O has an ear infection, and L has tonsilitis and an ear infection, so we didnt get much sleep here last night, and I doubt it will be much better tonight.

i dont mind having one or two of them sick at once, but all three sick is damn hard, they are all clingy and miserable and its hard to balance all their needs by yourself. oh well they all have antibiotics so should be feeling better by tomorrow evening.


ps i have been wondering if this is a political blog by a mum, or a blog by a mum who is politically active... strange thought really i think its the latter.. a blog by a politically active mum


I am feeling flat, unmotivated and generally uninspired, I have started doing my housework, but just dont feel like doing much really... its the flat that happens after a huge buzz or emotionally tiring time so I arent too bothered by it, a couple of days and I will be back to normal, today is just a day to think about what our plans our and what the next three years will bring, we are looking at jobs, houses etc, I have finally decided that Palmy isnt that bad so maybe I should make more of a go of it living here.

its also a kindy day so I might go for a walk with lil man while L is at kindy. L is currently listening to a winnie the pooh story on cd, she loves it and the two my little pony ones we have, shes just about memorised the whole things.

The poor kids all have colds too which isnt very nice, but we have gotten used to that really, its just part of having three kids.


the morning after

We kept our seat which was an awesome thing considering the swing to the right, We have worked really hard for this so it was something good in a night of sadness.

I am feeling sad that the country has voted national in, but this is a democracy albeit a very immature one. I am also sad that Helen is no longer the leader of the labour party. I have a lot of respect for her and admire her a lot... poor wee K cried when I told her she wasnt our PM anymore.

I have learnt alot this campaing, the main thing being that I am still very much passionate about being Labour and about politics, Mum asked me this morning if this meant a political career once the kids are older and to be honest that doesnt sound too bad.

So we now return to our normal life, back to the normal routines and housework etc which will start again tomorrow, for today we savour the small victory that was ours in winning this seat by going out to lunch with our new Mp and his lovely family.

return to normality...

after election day we will resume normal broadcast lol.... We are still doing stuff with the kids and enjoying new things, K was reading me her story from school the other day, it was so cute a bit of a change from me reading to her.

L is finally interacting more at kindy, she was a bit reserved but has a wee friend who she plays with most days, her wee friend has a wee bro who plays with O, its all very cute,

O is beginning to walk from one thing to another, not very far but its a start, hes one in a fortnight, I am thinking that a tonka truck will be a good toy, or some large toy cars, he pushes lots of stuff around the floor lately, its so neat. hes quite a clown at time, hes been blowing raspberries lately and just cracks up if we do them back....

They are all getting on really well, I was unsure whether three in just over four years would work, but so far we are surviving and enjoying them.

We are hoping to get away camping this summer, will be good fun as we havent been away in our tent for nearly 2 years.

So hopefully this brings us up to date for now.....

love D


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these are some pics that I have taken.... I got my hair done yesterday and am loving it, its actually heaps brighter than this, but its hard to take your own pics.
there are three huge chunks of red overall, looks really cool when my hair is tied up too....

The photo of Ben is during the dye process... so I will post a after shot of him later today

final blog before E day

I have been out campaigning this morning, Our first stop was a street corner with malcolm plimmer oppostie, it was lighthearted and good fun, we outnumbered him 6 to 1. our second event was not so nice. We organised to meet at the terrace end shops to talk to mr key. some of his party members took offence to our freedom and rights to be there and assaulted one of our crew.

We made huge media coverage on this, but it wasnt a nice thing to be involved in, I was on the sidelines with the kids, and when I was involved the kids were safe.

I wasnt that impressed with Mr key... he was slippery and when I asked him about kiwisaver etc he just laughed my concerns off.... damn typical I suspect.

Anyway I have added some links for you all to see what happened and make up your own minds.


two aims for this week

both quite different to each other....

The first is to get people out to vote... we are really lucky to have the right to vote here and the freedom to express out political beliefs.... so if you are reading go out and vote....

my second aim for this week is to be dressed nicely, to make and effort to feel good about my self... so its a hair done, make up on and wear nice clothes week for me... its so easy as a mum to let yourself go so i am aiming to not do this this week.

feeling out on the street

I have been out a bit campaigning in the last few days, its been great fun and we are getting a really good response from people on the street. the feel I get is that people dont want a change, and that steady as she goes is a good thing in the current financial situation.

We do have people come up and tell us that we are wrong etc so I am not under any illusions that winning is a done deal.

I am going to place my vote early this year as I will be quite busy on election day, this is the first time that I will have done it but am thinking its a lot easier to remember to do in the next couple of days than on saturday.


not doing hair

too tired, off to bed instead.

feeling better... mostly election stuff free day

I didnt do much today, hung out with L, did kindy and got my friend to defuzz my eyebrows, so a fairly uneventful day, had tea with Renee which was nice, we havent seen much of her lately so was nice to chill out.

I only did one election related thing and that was dropping off a couple of bundles of letters to people, so very little and very no taxing,

We are going to dye Bens hair tonight so I had better go do it.

I did take a funny little quiz though which was quite cool....
i got 83% compatibility with labour....


I am sick... bad timing

I was up really early this morning to go campaigning but by 7:30am was heading back to bed with a sore tummy and back, after spending most the day in bed I went to drs and got some antibiotics etc....

I so dont need to be sick at the moment, i dont have time for this, why do we get sick at the worst moments lol... K is sick too, shes got a throat infection, but if shes not 100% its not a huge deal for her.

so am drinking lots and trying to rest and hopefully will be back to 100% very soon.


we are having christmas at home this year, my parents are coming up which will be really nice, and last night we found out that Bens dad is going to spend christmas with us which is really exciting, the kids have never had two lots of grandparents together for christmas so it will be really neat.

so had better get some stuff organised around here so that we can have an awesome time


I did it, Ben was away from friday morning till late last night and I survived being home with the kids. I am quite proud of myself, its the first time I have been home alone here in palmy since K was little.

We had a nice weekend, spent time with friends, did some sewing (two funky new bags), and K had her first girls brigade church parade which was nice. I am a parttime/oncall leader with her company so was nice to see her as part of it now. She looked very cute in her wee pinafore and red sweatshirt.

we also helped Iain campaigning at the market, the girls were so funny, I had a couple of small hoardings to hold and let K have it for a while, then they started fighting over them so they ended up holding one each. k knows they say tick labour tick lees-galloway.... and knows that Helen clark is pm and belongs to labour. shes very proud that she can read the signs now.

So will say I am indoctrinating them, and maybe I am, but we all are indoctrinated in some way as children, for example to think that teachers are good, that god made everything, that drs will fix what is wrong. I have yet to decide how we will explain more about the election but as I have three weeks I had better get on to it.


I have friends lol

I have had a lovely week, I have spent a couple of days with a new friend of mine and her two wee kiddies, its been really nice having someone to talk to who is similar, and has kiddies the same age as my two youngest. so thanks Clare you are so lovely... I feel similar about another friend who I feel i have connected more with lately.

I have also made a couple of pieces of clothing and yesterday made baby slings for O and Clares wee fella, Nice red ones with black with white dots on the reverse, they are so funky....

I have also dropped my meds dosage to just a holding dose of 20mg, which is really nice, my anxiety is up a wee bit but I am working on lowering that.

And shock horror I have tidied my two living areas this morning and vaccuumed... so am feeling pretty good, next up is attacking the pile of washing.

Ben is away for the weekend doing a landmark forum. I dont know what I think of it, but it means I am home alone till monday morning which will be a huge test for me on how I cope with the kids etc. i also have planned to help with campaigning tomorrow morning, and have girls brigade parade at church for K on sunday morning, so enough to keep us busy.


universal student allowances

yay, after 10 years or more of lobbying we are being promised universal student allowances....

to all my friends who have worked hard for this small victory congrats.... we have finally done it.a

I have been a student, I have over $35000 of student debt.... thanks to Labour it hasn't actually gotten any bigger for a while, but when I first took my loan out it was earning interest faster than I was borrowing it.

It always seemed unfair to me that if i did nothing I would get the dole but if I tried to improve myself I had to borrow money to live. and to just clarify in case people think i am just a middle class person, when I was studying my mum was too, and my wee sister was at school, so dads income supported us all.....

I read a response to a blog on this and they said it was just helping out middle income earners, but why should you be dependent on your parents income till 25... and why as a parent should they have to support us financially till that age if we are studying, always seemed a bit loopy to me.

I am also pleased about it because it will mean a better start for my three children, b and i really value education be it university polytech or trade, therefore we will want our children to have the opportunities that we had. I don't want to see my children with the level of debt that B and I started out with, over $60000 between us was not good. I especially don't want my girls to have the debt I have as it does impact more on women than on men, due to higher wage earnings of men, and to women taking time out to be caregivers to family.

So bravo to labour for annoucing this policy.... makes me even more determined to help return a labour led government.

more sewing finished

I have very few RED clothes so needed something to wear this morning campaigning with Iain, so last night I found some red linen in my fabric box and made a very simple red dress, which is going to be great for summer too....

today I made two wee dresses for the girls, they are blue with butterflies and white poplin underskirts with lace around the hems, they look so cute on them.

I havent decided what to make next but am considering some tops for Ben or some wee shorts for O. And possibly some wee dresses for school and kindy for the girls

Its nice to actually be making clothes and for once I arent making mistakes with them, yay.

polls looking good

I have to be honest that I was quite unhappy about the prospect of a national led government, but the two latest polls have given me a boost so I am back out campaigning to help labour stay in and to get Iain Lees Galloway elected as Palmy's next mp.

I went to the market this morning with him and the responses were really positive towards labour, it was really heartening as I was feeling like we were in a sinking boat.

We have also had a hoarding erected in our front yard. We have never done this before so it was quite exciting.
I am enjoying campaigning again, its great, after 4 elections I was feeling really jaded but now I am bouncing again.

I went to a quiz night last night which was really cool too, the team I was in got third out of five teams so not to bad really.

heather mills makes me feel sick

ok, to clarify this, I have been reading on stuff

She thinks we should make Ice cream out of human breast milk, would love to know how they are going to source enough to do that, producing breast milk is hard enough without try to make extra for ice cream.

And shes vegan so I would think she doesnt drink milk or eat dairy products so she should just butt out.....

For K I didnt have enough milk at times and had weaned her by 10 months because of it, with L I had enough but expressing is tiring enough for any of us, with O I have had an excess amount but that still wont convince me to sell my milk.

so grrr to heather mills, you are a strange woman

ok, lets try this

hopefully this will work, but if it doesnt its a pic of me in my new skirt I made this evening, a top I got from clothes swap and a cool jet necklace I also got from clothes swap.

more finished, more to do

I got one skirt nearly completed when I realised its a bit small, so made a different one out of the same fabric for me, Rebecca inherits the one I have nearly finished.

I also got some red poplin to put under a black floral skirt I am making and some white poplin and broderie anglasie lace for some wee dresses I am going to finish for miss 3 and miss 5, so tonight I am going to do a quick tidy of the mess I have made so far and then continue being creative.

3 garments completed

yay, I have finished a dress for me, and some shorts for the girls, yippy. I had dramas last week with my sewing machine so didnt manage to get anything done, but I got my old machine out and yesterday set about finishing my dress and the shorts I had started.

Today I am going to make a skirt I have cut out, and finish the neckline on a tshirt I have re cut to make look better on me and my bust lol. So more sewing of pink... then I am planning making two wee dresses for the girls, then some shorts for the wee fella, I also want to make a couple of shrug tops for summer and some for the girls too to wear over dresses etc. not for warmth more to give some protection from the sun if it ever shine decently.

so yay for actually finishing something. D

the business of being born

I went with a friend to see this documentary today it was put on by the homebirth association and the nz college of midwives, omg it was amazing

Its done by rikki lake after she was unhappy with her birth experience the first time, it followed a couple of women and their births and talked to many sides of the birth process in the usa. only 8% of women there have a midwife, and under 1% have homebirths, I personally arent able to have homebirths but think they are great for those who choose to do that.

The us stats were scary, in some hospitals nearly 45% of births are c sections, here its around 24% which is still quite high, infant mortality is the 2nd highest in developed countries in the US as well... so does more technology lead to better births.... some ob gyn's interivewed thought it was great others were more for moving back to a midwife lead model.

Nz doesnt have a perfect system of maternity care but I sure am glad that I have had my babies here and had pretty much the births that I wanted

self help

I went to the library today, was really good, got some books on depression and how to overcome it, am hoping to read and find some other ways to cope with it. there were some interesting reference books on womens mental health too, which were good to look at, especially the stuff dealing with meds and lactation.

my first encounters with a psychiatrist were interesting he was of the belief that there were no actual benefits to breastfeeding. he and i didnt agree on this. I have found breastfeeding to be a good way to ensure that I have bonded with my babies, I think it would have been too easy to just leave them to ben if I had bottle fed them, by breastfeeding them I feel responsible and connected to them, even at 3 in the morning.

O is still breastfeed, hes nearly 11 months, so will soon be my longest go at doing this. I love feeding him though its really nice and makes life easier when you are out and about etc.

So am going to read some books to help myself understand a few things, and am looking to the future with my beautiful family and hubby.

I got a lovely parcel of books in the post today too, one is an autobiography by Lauren roche, its quite interesting so far, so thanks GG for sending them.


creativity escaped....

had a really tiring day with the kids so havent done any sewing at all, a bit disappointed really but theres not much I could do about it really, lil man has both ears infected so is on antibiotics, and both the girls have colds so it really shouldnt surprise me that I didnt achieve anything at all.

I am hoping that I will get some time to do something tomorrow morning if ben takes the girls to the market to get veges etc, I really want to get something finished, but have been hindered too by the fact I have lost my pink thread that I need, I bought some more yesterday then stupidly left it on my machine when I took it to get fixed. So will change to blue lol, have got a t hsirt that needs its neckline redone, and two wee dresses for the girls to sew.

Have been reading kiwi craft blogs which are really neat, give good ideas for making things, like doilly t shirts and funky tea towel bags etc... there is so much happening out there its really cool to see.


feeling creative

I have been sewing... yay, I love the feeling of creating something for the kids or I to wear. I bought some fabric yesterday at spotlight and arthur toyes and some patterns.

Today I cut some out, bike pants for the girls, and a skirt for me, I also have a dress on the go and another skirt I want to make.

I have been using the clothes swap, and reading some of the members blogs, some of their craft work is awesome which inspired me to get moving again and do some sewing. but my sewing machine died this afternoon, not a huge electrical death or anything, it jammed when I was trying to sew some elastic into a skirt, so its off being fixed, thankfully we never got rid of our old one so its back out for use tomorrow.

I find when my mood is down that my creativity escapes, thankfully at the moment, I am in a good frame of mind so sewing is working :).

A friend is going to lend me denise lestrange corbetts biography to read, will be cool to see how her depression interacts with her creativity.

anyway sitting here typing isnt getting anything productive done, I need to sleep too cos the wee fella is sick and between the three kids we were woken 5 times last night.

ahh the joys of parenting, but its worth it when they smile.

discharge from Cmh team

they have decided in all their wisdom up here that I am well, and should be discharged from their services, citing waiting lists etc and that I am capable of coping etc.

Strangely this doesnt bother me too much as I feel like its just all been a waste of time up here using the service, In Oamaru I felt like I was making progress and that I was improving my life and my illness was getting managed a lot better. up here I feel frustrated, alone, and totally unsupported.

So instead I will use mum and ben as my counsellors and keep getting well on our own. I am still taking my meds which help, and have set alarms to remember each day to take them, sometimes in the rush of children this gets forgotten.

so sometime in the next few weeks I will become just a normal community member again, without maybe the stigma of being a mental health client, not that I have told many people that is what I have been, discussing that you wanted to die when you were pregnant and had 2 lovely wee children isnt considered to be normal.

but its what happened to me last year and without my parents and ben stepping in I would have been in a worse place, I wouldnt have actually done it because I have seen what suicide does to those left behind, but I certainly was very close to just walking away from my beautiful family.

I am very lucky that I have amazing parents who let me move in with them to help me get better, I had awesome midwives in Oamaru, a great pyschiatrist, and a cmh team that wanted to make me better, I had home help too which taught me how to look after my house and keep things ticking along here.

I am getting better, depression unfortunately is part of my life, I have suffered from it since I was 17, taking meds is probabley going to be longterm for me, and I need to look after my stress levels etc to cope with everyday life, but I am getting better and thats the good part of this process, life is looking good, and we are all living as a family again.


self imposed computer exile

I have been spending too much time surfing the net, so I banned myself from it on tuesday, It was nice, I had nearly 24 hrs in which I didnt surf.. but my new second hand laptop arrived yesterday which was a bit frustrating till I had my jobs done I didnt play with it.

It s amazing how pulled into the net you can get without really trying.

I had a grumpy week last week so I used the net to escape, its not a good thing so I decided that I needed time out to get back on track.

I think I will try to spend a day every now and then without the internet, its nice to clear my head and spend time doing other stuff
I am also going to try not to be online so much during the day and just leave it till nighttime.

My mood is beginning to feel better, its so nice to begin to feel normal after a bumpy week

recycling.... biking... tri.....

Yesterday I found a new way to recycle..... online clothes swapping... its a group on flickr and it rocks....

I love the whole concept, its kinda like getting hand me downs as a kid but you get to choose if you like any of it. Its a great way for me to get rid of stuff too which is even better....

its a great way to save $$ and to give clothes a new lease on life.

anyway i am so loving it, its been started by a woman in palmy, and has around 30 members so far, one of whom I went to school with in invers when we were 5.

We biked to the market this morning, all 5 of us, Ben towed O and L in the bike trailer and K rode her halfwheeler behind me, got some yummy fresh veges and had a neat family outting together.

O looked so cute asleep in the trailer on the way home, he was half hidden by his helmet.

Am hoping that this will become a regular thing for us this summer and a good way for me to continue to lose weight and get fitter.... have got a couple of tri's that I want to do so need to do some bike training for that.


ps if you are interested in the clothes swap contact me....

Suffrage day... 115 yrs on

Womens suffrage day is a great way to remember the privilage that we have in being able to vote for our own government, around the world many people still do not have this as a right, in other countries such as zimbabwe exercising this right can lead to death.

It makes me thankful for the women who worked so hard to win this right for us. therefore we need to be mindufl of our rights with an upcoming election, people need to enrol to vote, I think along the lines of no vote no whinging about the govt... if you havent exercised your right then you dont get to grumble about something you could have had a say on.

I read an article on stuff this morning which made me think about equality between the sexes, recently a survey was done on equality, and only 24% of women think that women are not equal to men in society, I would be one of those 24%, being a women is still harder in this country.

The whole concept of a career and children doesnt work for many women, Women are still paid less, and work in more care related areas.

I dont think a change in government will help women at all. It certainly wont help me as an at home mum to three children. Working for families makes a difference to us, that difference means I am able to stay at home and parent our children, without this money I would need to look at returning to the workforce, probabley into a low paid job to help us survive. I could work as a teacher but I find it very stressful and difficult, esp with coming home to my littlies.

Thank you to Kate sheppard and the rest of the Suffragettes, I will excercise my right to vote on November the 8th.


other women bloggers

lately I have been reading other blogs.... Two resounded with me today.... the first was by blue milk on her role as a worker and a mum. It felt like I was reading my own thoughts.

The second was by the ex ex pat about a voluntary psych evaluation. this too made me think about my experiences with psychiatrist and what impact that has had on my life.

Other blogs that I enjoy are Stargazer, and the hand mirror.

So thanks to these awesome women who help me to think about things other than whats for tea and doing housework.

election time

Ok, so by now some of you will have guessed that I am a labour supporter.
Well actually I am a labour party member so this time of the election cycle means lots of work for very few people. I used to go out campaigning hard etc, but the advent of three wee kids have curbed this quite a lot, so this election I will be doing my work by talking to people that I know about our policies and how they will help NZers....

I must admit though that I dont want to watch any tv coverage at the moment as it seems very onesided, its all about how we need a change.... what utter crap. we need to keep building on the social improvements that have been made and keep working to make our country a better place to live for all of us, not just the elite few who earn big bucks.

anyway, I am looking forward with hope that a centre left coalition will come out of the election.


uplift bras...

I posted the wrong url, its actually

The two articles below give and interesting spin on whether donating goods is a good thing....

charity for bras

I read about it here, the uplift site doesnt mention it as much.....

bras for charity a good cause for women who need bras..... physical addy is

Uplift C/- 18A Waitemata Rd, Takapuna, Auckland 0622

Please donate unwanted bras....


Home Ownership - pipedream?

We are looking at buying our first home, We want to move into the zone of our Daughters school, We live about 1km outside it at the moment and the enrolment scheme means our next two children arent guaranteed entrance there either.

So I have talked to the banks and the most we can borrow is around $180000, which would make us totally broke and mean we could buy a house under $200k. Not looking so great from where I am sitting.

We currently rent a 4bdrm house in Roslyn from my parents which is quite nice, to buy under $200k we are looking at ex state houses, 3 bdrm and needing lots of work done.... so do we buy and end up worse off or stay put renting in a better house....

B works and I am able to stay home with the kids, which is a luxury but having depression and anxiety has meant that I am unable to work and be a good mum to our children.

His income is over $50k yet to own a home we would be struggling a lot.

We havent decided yet what we are going to do.... more discussions with my parents, his parents and ourselves to happen yet.....

undermining breastfeeding

breast or bottle? the debate continues.... I just read an article on stuff and it made me feel sad.... Only 11% of american babies are exclusively breastfed till 6 months.

I wonder what the %s are like here. I didnt exclusively feed my eldest, she had formula and breast, number two had breast till 9 months then some formula too.... number three has been exclusively breastfed on demand, and still hasnt taken formula.

I arent hugely one way or the other on this, but 11% seems like a very small number of women who are being supported in breastfeeding to get to 6 months, WHO recommends breastfeeding till at least 12 months.

I realise its about mothers choice etc, but giving out free formula samples cannot be a good way to encourage new mums to breastfeed....

Anyway rant over....

birth stories

I recently read a fellow bloggers birth story, and she has been totally bagged by some anonymous poster because she had a c-section for her son who was breech. It got me thinking about why women have to one up each other or guilt trip each other over how we gave birth to our babies.

I am lucky to have had three relatively quick natural births.... its great for me, but after my eldest I haemorrhaged badly and had to go to theatre to have part of the placenta removed and was given 4 units of blood. She then was too small for full term and jaundiced so spent 5 days in neonates. When she was 7 days I developed mastitis, and spent 3 nights on iv antibiotics in hospital. To top all this off my mum had an aortic valve replacement the morning after I had K.

So the first birth was fine, afterwards suxed bigtime. L was easier, I didnt haemorrhage at all, and she only spent 3 days in neonates with jaundice. 2 stays in hospital for mastitis happened too...

Number three was great, no haemorrhage, no neonates, only 2 days in hopsital, fab midwife care and I was in Oamaru with mum and dad and hubby and our two girls. And touch wood, so far (he's 9 months) no stays in hospital for IV antibiotics for mastitis...

So yeah the births were easy but having the other things happen and having depression for most of my last pregnancy sure as hell didnt make that any eaiser.

So to all those who think they have the right to tell other women that what they did was wrong..... bugger off we all make choices in our lives and childbirth should be about the best choice for that mum and her baby

Little sister staying

having kids of my own has made me realise that I am so lucky to have my wee sister as one of my best and closest friends. She is currently in the process of seperating from her husband and I am happy that she knows that I am there for her whatever happens in her life.

I am trying to get my kids to form this sort of bond too.... mum and dad always told us that once they were gone we would only have each other, hubbies can come and go but sisters dont. its a good philosophy and for us it has worked. R was there for me last year when my life spiraled outta control and I am there for her at the moment when she needs me.

I actually cant imagine not being friends with her, we get on really well, share common interests and arent much different in ages....

So if you read this little sis... just remember that I love you always, you are a great wee sister and I am lucky to have you in my life.... ps thanks mum and dad too....

boobs.... strange thoughts

I went out last night, was really nice, no kids, no hubby.... and a real bra lol. I have been breastfeeding off and on for 5 yrs now so being able to wear a real bra with wire was a treat.

Its strange though that having my bust up higher made me feel better than when I am wearing my hotmilk maternity bras, or maybe it was that the bra wasnt designed for feeding, anyway it was great to feel normal lol.

What I also wondered is why cant i be one of those women whose boobs shrunk after feeding babies, mine seem to have gotten bigger, which would be great if i was small to start with, but frankly I am over having an F cup... its so over rated.

What I also dont get is why the other half seems to be rather attached to them... they are saggy bits of flesh that feed our babies.... well not always lol... but its interesting thought that straight men seem to claim them as their own.... cant say I want to claim his penis as mine though.......

anyway enough ranting, am enjoying having puter back after 5 days with no modem....



I was thinking about writing about the womens triathlon that I just watched, then I changed my mind.....

I managed to get through the weekend, cmh have promised to look into extra help for me which will be great. I watched far too much tv but I couldnt not watch our kiwi team win medals.

today my wee girl started kindy, I was prepared to be there for the afternoon, but after about 10 minutes i realised that she was happy and didnt actually need her mummy there, so O and I left. She had a great afternoon and was met after school by her big sister, it actually felt quite liberating to be dropping her off for the afternoon and know that I might get some time just for me.

so now three days a week I will just have our wee boy at home with me, its going to be nice just having him, and it will be great for L to meet new kids and have something just for her. Its a nice easy pick up trip too... K meets us outside kindy which is great, every school should have a kindy or daycare right next door, its much easier for us to collect them.

I have lots of plans for my 2 1/2hrs 3x per week, lets hope wee man listens and sleeps then lol.



mental health team coming this morning

I am very anxious about this, I dont know quite how to approach it, do i rush around getting everything spotless or just leave it in its lived in look.... or maybe an inbetween approach.

Anyway i find these sessions quite taxing as you have to look at why you do things or why things are like they are etc. I am also going to ask about help again, as i was told I would get some when I shifted to make the adjustment easier, instead B and I have struggled to get things done, doesnt help that I have been sick twice in the last month, and the kids have been too... maybe we will get the house sorted out this weekend.

anyway better go sort things so I dont get even more anxious about things. D


I hate them, I mean the routine of getting up and the kids ready is good, but lately i just cant get my self out of bed to do it.... it all seems a bit hard. So this morning I have decided that i will put all the washing away and vaccum the living room.... sounds really easy but

thats the problem the but...... I cant get motivated at all. Maybe I should do it then have a treat for doing it or something, like sticker charts for the kids. I hate housework, esp the fact that i am expected to do it cos i am at home.... hubbies seem to get away with miniaml input, except mine who has been an angel and carried more than his share of the workload up til recently.

I am offically a housework avoider which is not good......

day two....

well its 10 am, and I have made school lunch and taken miss 5 to school, gotten bubs fed and dressed, settled miss nearly 3 in front of a dvd, and done my hair lol.

I actually dont feel like I have achieved anything yet, but when its written down it looks so much better. Next week it will become more complicated as miss nearly 3 will start afternoon kindy, I am a bit sad about it really as it means shes starting her education.... she currently asking for cheese so had better feed her.

I am battling a slightly darker mood at the moment, I am struggling to get basic housework done and am sinking under a pile of clean washing that needs folded..... I hate this time of year, it always gets me down, whats not helping is that the promised support from the community mental health team has not happened.....

When everything went to custard last year we tried to get help for me, it was an uphill battle that ended up with me shifting with the two girls to my parents. Down in rural Otago I was able to get psychiatric help, two fab midwives, home help and numerous other support systems were in place. Before moving back up here we were given the understanding that i would have the same support up here....... yeah right.

I arent sick enough.

having depression, generalised anxiety, 3 kids, no family support etc is not enough to get me any help other than fornightly counselling.

why is there this discrepency in care between rural Nz and a city? makes me wonder, maybe i should have just stayed down there with mum and dad, but then that wouldnt have helped my marriage or my parents.


has nothing changed in the last 10 yrs?

I have read and listened with disgust today to the news that National wants Mums on the DPB to go to work again, didnt they try this with very little success in the 1990's, do they really think we are so dumb that we want to see those who struggle anyway forced into low paying jobs, and their children into after school care?

It worries me to see the informal vote on stuff was for this policy, do we not care that women who are on the Dpb are being punished again for stuff that often hasnt been their own choice. The DPB was put in place to help those at the time they needed it, My grandma had to bring up three children on her own well before the DPB, and her choices were limited to jobs where bosses were able to take advantage of the situation.

I just hope that people see through all this and are able to make better choices on election day.

Rant over

Ok, lets try this blogging thing

First I had better write a little about me, I am 31, married to Benjamin, and an at home mum to three lovely little kiddies.

I didnt expect to be a stay at home mum when I got married as a university student, it wasnt quite in the career path, but fate has interesting ways of changing our lives and after a nasty tussle with depression at 25, and seeing my chosen career path disappear i took some advice from my Grandma..... she suggested we had a family.....

Thanks grandma for leading us to this decision, its been a great journey so far, but I still struggle with the concept of being a housewife and the role it entails, even counselling hasnt helped me get past this problem.....

So heres the start of my online journal/blog....

love D

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