sick again

Last night i started feeling sick, sore throat etc, today I have carried O around a bit more just to get used to it etc and my belly button started hurting too... so off to the drs I went this evening thinking that i was probably just being a hypochondriac..... but nope, i truelly and sick this time

the list goes something like this:
1. belly button laparoscopy incision infected
2. left ear infection
3. sinus infection
4. throat infection

so i arent a hypochondriac quite yet :) but I am sick for the 4 or 5th time this year which is not making me a happy camper at all.

its also not nice when you feel sad etc to feel sick too... i am struggling to cope with all of this on top of the ectopic pregnancy loss and the resultant ebb and flow of emotions that I am dealing with. I am also nauseaous as a result of the loss and have other pregnancy related problems but no pregnancy.... and no baby in 7 months and to tell the truth it bloody suxes.

I am so over it at the moment, its like i just want to put it in the too hard basket and just feel like Demelza for even half a day would be nice.... i am beginning to think i may have lost her at the moment, not much holds my attention either, I know enough though to realise that this pain will pass, the sickness will go and i can start enjoying life again. this is not depression this is part of the grief process that i will go through from having lost a pregnancy.

I know others who have also lost pregnancies/babies and my heart goes out to them because at some stage they too will have thought why me... why us... we didnt ask for this, especially when they get people telling them thoughtless things like "it wasnt meant to be". i havent had this yet, we know it wasnt meant to be, the embryo was in the wrong place and put my life at risk, but that doesnt stop me thinking that it was my baby and i wanted it.

so to all my fellow miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy survivors you are all amazing women who my heart goes out to that you have had to endure the pain that this loss causes.



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