the loss.... 2 weeks later

I am physically pretty much back to normal. Mentally I take each day as it comes. Our Vicar came to visit today and it was great, we talked about the choice we had to make and why it had to be made, which really helped, she also told me that she too had lost a pregnancy which made it easier to talk to her as she understood the guilt, and other feelings that are associated with the loss of a possibly child.

It was exactly what I needed today, it was pouring with rain all day and talking to her about the loss and how I was being careful to monitor my mood with winter coming, and the weather today and my history was really good.

She told me that I will be able to come to a place where I will be able to acknowledge that this wasnt meant to be, but also that its still early on in the process and not to expect too much too soon about it.

I also saw a friend today who simply said I dont know what to say.... that was so much easier than a saying things she didnt really mean, she said she was sorry too, but that she doesnt understand, and i am ok with that, because i wouldnt wish this on any woman.

Its not a nice thing to have happen, its not nice to feel like you are inadequate because the embryo wasnt in the right place,..... for a while i felt like I had failed... oh look u couldnt even get pregnant properly.... totally irrational, I have three children. but it was how I felt.

so the healing and grieveing continues, the uneasiness of it all moves with me, but at least i am coping most days, the tears are still there but not shed all the time.

2 comments:

lizzyloo said...
February 22, 2009 at 10:50 AM

Hey
Had your mum arcoss last night with chocolate, and asked if we could feed the cats while they were in Dunedin, Rob loved the chocolate and i will feed the cats LOL, I asked her how u were getting on after the lost, and she gave me this website as she said you put everything in this on how you are feeling, boy my friend, this is great.
I know how you are feeling as after losing 2 babies myself i had it in my head that someone up there had decided that this old fart was not going to have anymore, then look, Jack arrived.
I have started this year off with a bang, Rob has brought me a new bike and i am biking everyday to work now that is a real big thing for me LOL, well I will keep reading this blog my friend and will keep intouch, Miss u
Love Liz XXXX

Azlemed said...
February 22, 2009 at 12:30 PM

hey liz

you are lucky to have your jack, I am feeling better most days about it all.. its been bloody hard though and is taking a bit to get through it all.

the biking sounds great, its a good way to exercise and save $$$
we are looking at houses and hoping to get somewhere closer to school. might look at a smaller car too.
love D

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