the joys of pregnancy... NOT

because I am less mobile than normal I have to wear white knee high compression tights... these are the most unattractive things I have ever worn... they are to help with stopping blood clots forming in my legs which is fine, but how am I going to survive wearing them in November when its too warm to wear boots and trousers that cover them?

I also am getting varicose veins this time, had managed to avoid them with the first three. And the stretch marks lol... well they aren't actually happening at all... ironically K did such a good job of stretching my skin that I haven't got any new ones yet.

There's also the continuous indigestion that I suffer, liquid mylanta is my friend, and the cravings for things at random times, last night it was cupcakes and ice cream, neither of which I had in the house, I am also finding that I like spicy food too....

Pregnancy is a rather strange thing, its a totally parasitic relationship that wreaks havoc on your body and mind, yet its still one of the most amazing things I have ever done, you spend 9 months watching your tummy grow, waiting for milestones to be reached, feeling the first kicks,or watching your tummy move cos bubs has hiccups. I am so lucky that I have had 4 awesome pregnancies to enjoy, I sometimes wonder about the one I lost but its hard to feel hugely for it in some ways because I didn't know about it, and it could never have survived.

As I type I am getting kicked in my ribs, and I sit and wonder what this baby will be like, will it have brown eyes like its siblings and Dad or will I manage to get one with blue eyes? is it a boy or a girl? will it grow up to change the world? so many hopes and aspirations of mine yet actually all I hope for is that it is a loved and cared for part of our family.

bump is growing

Some days I just stare at my tummy with amazement, it just moves on its own which is quite strange but cool as well. I will be 28 weeks this Tuesday so finally in my last trimester, seems strange that we are in the final stages of my last pregnancy.

I am beginning to enjoy being pregnant too... its hugely obvious that I am pregnant, but its nice to be feeling that I am coping and that things will be OK with it all.

Miss K talks to my bump, she calls it cheeky monkey, its very cool, shes very interested in this pregnancy and I am pleased that shes old enough to enjoy it with us. Miss L thinks its a girl still, and I actually aren't sure what sex it is. K wants a boy for equity amongst the sexes in our house.

I don't even think Mr O has realised that anything is changing and if he hasn't he certainly isn't able to tell us.

So the last 12 weeks of my last pregnancy begin, Its sad in some ways that I wont ever be pregnant again, but for us four kids is a large family and for me four pregnancies and one loss is enough. My body isn't what it used to be and over 7 years of being pregnant or breastfeeding is enough for any one woman.

D

pissed off at celebs.....

I was reading tvnz's site today and came across an article that said Heidi Klum doesn't wear maternity clothes cos shes too fashionable, and has to always look good. Well hello some of us don't have the choice to just buy bigger clothes to hide our bumps, some of us at 7 months pregnant are big and need clothes that cover our bumps but don't make us look even huger by fitting badly everywhere else.

It really annoyed me as its hard enough feeling great about your body shape when pregnant without having the media say that maternity clothes aren't fashionable... well maybe instead of bitching about maternity clothes they could design some that don't make you look like you are massive or that have some design to them... having said that Pumpkin Patch and Egg maternity do a great line of maternity clothing they just don't cater for those over a size 18.

I am actually quite annoyed about this sort of media portrayal that pregnancy is only for the skinny beautiful people.... or that breastfeeding is sexual in some way..... it doesn't help any of us when these images are what is portrayed to us in the media, maybe I should be less sensitive about it but I do get annoyed with the images we are shown and the lack of reality to some of them. I happen to quite like my pregnant belly and I have no problem with breastfeeding so stop trying to make us feel bad because we don't want to conform to the medias ideals.

D

nice morning out

I actually put some of my learning to goo use this morning, I spent the morning chatting with a lovely woman at the maternity resource centre, shes just started university so we discussed societal constructs on all sorts of things and the pressures on women to conform that are based upon what men think they should be.....

It was great to actually use my brain for something other than stuff I do at home, Its made me start thinking again about all sorts of things and I am sure by the time this baby is a bit older I might actually have come up with a use for the knowledge that I have.

I have also decided that I am going to sort out my sewing space so that Ben can use my big table to write at, we dont have a lot of spare space in this house but he needs to be writing his phd so I thought I would make a nice space for him to use.

I have also decided that I am going to do my best to enjoy these last 12/13 weeks of my pregnancy, this is definitely my last baby so after all the ups and downs I have had I want to start getting things ready for him or her and to just enjoy all the things that this pregnancy is bringing. I think I have been feeling quite negative in a lot of ways about being pregnant yet I should be celebrating that I am pregnant and that this baby is wanted.

So thats me for the start of the week, I have a couple of things to achieve and I am going to get on to it this afternoon while the wee fella has his nap

Sorry for not blogging

but its not really possible from a hospital bed. I have spent from Monday night till yesterday in Hospital with unexplained breathlessness... it started on Monday and I just couldn't breathe very well, Ventolin didn't help so I went to the Dr's, he did some bloods and I came home etc. Well the after hours Dr's rung and told me to go to A and E to get reassessed, so off I went, we got there around 8:30pm, I was finally seen after 1am, and sent to a ward around 6:30am on Tuesday morning, seems they thought I had a blood clot on my lungs which was really scary, so after days of testing and CT scans etc they had me seen by a respiratory Dr yesterday.

He has decided I have something called Hyperventilation Syndrome, which is when my brain receptors think they need more oxygen than they actually do, so the way to control this is to breathe deeply when it happens and just reset my brain signals over time.

Ben has been amazing, hes looked after the kids and been really great. I saw a social worker too while I was in there and they are organising some home help for me for the rest of my pregnancy which will make a big difference for us.

Today I am finishing a dress I made (just the hand sewing left) and enjoying the time with my beautiful family,

D

angry, angry, angry

yep I am angry, dunno specifically what at, but its there simmering away under the surface. Well I do know some of why I am angry, one reason is that Ben gave away a coffee table that was given to me as a kid and i have searched the op shops and cant find it.... so that's one grrrr........

the second is that I have bloody crutches to use to try to stop my spd getting worse, and i am angry that I have to use them, and that I am only 25 weeks pregnant so looking at 15 weeks of trying to wrangle crutches and a 20 month old child. Yep very angry about that one. I don't know what to do about pain relief as most medications are contraindicated for pregnancy, I am thinking about trying a tens machine, or accupuncture or even osteopathy at the moment.

mainly though I just feel angry at myself today.

SPD is trouble.....

yep its back, and not letting up very much either, I have physio on Wednesday so hopefully we will be able to come up with a plan as to how to get to due date without being in utter agony.

I have had to start wearing my bandage and smiley belt all the time (well not to bed) and am being very careful not to sit the wrong way or to aggravate the situation by doing too much.

We think that all the problems last week were due to the SPD as well which is very frustrating, but today I have taken the attitude that it cant kill me so need to get things done...


We had the kids all ready for school on time, I have hung out washing, cleaned the bathroom, done nearly all the dishes and am having a wee break...

D

lovely sunny day with family

we have had a beautiful day here, its like spring which is so nice, I actually rode my bike for the first time in months which was great but not good for the SPD. Some friends took K down to school to play on the new fitness trail, so once L came home from the market I took her down on her bike too....

L had her first go on K's old bike without trainer wheels which was very exciting for her. K is getting really confident on her new 20" bike, she was confident enough to bike on the road which is very cool.

We had lunch outside with friends, fresh homemade lemonade, and pikelets with jam and cream, yummy, it was nice to eat outside and enjoy our new backyard.

I have made myself a nice preggy skirt today, its black cotton with whit embroidery and a nice stretchy Lycra waistband so I can wear it for quite a while yet.

So its been a lovely start to our weekend, Ben is cooking roast chicken for tea so should be more nice food.

D

over it

sorry for not posting for a few days, I have been feeling really yucky, first we thought it was a uti, then maybe its my SPD playing up, who knows... I spent 4 hrs at the hospital last night being poked and tested but all we can find is elevated white blood cell count.... its all very difficult and I am finding that I just am sick of having a sore tummy, sore back and feeling very tired.

I am now 24 or 25 weeks so hopefully this baby will be born in around 15 or so weeks. We are having a couple of issues as to due date, but have decided that we will go with the 24th which was O's due date too.... My midwife isn't too worried about dates though unless I go over due which is a possibility but one that we are not too bothered about. She has suggested that I start taking evening primrose oil from 36 wks which helps with getting things ready for birth. With being at hospital for so long yesterday it was good as I was able to talk to her about bits and pieces, like if this baby is breech that I want to try a vaginal delivery first, I don't want a c section unless absolutely necessary.

The two Ob/gyn that I saw last night were two who did my ectopic pregnancy emergency which was good as they already knew what had happened... they were pleased that I was pregnant again and impressed at how quickly considering I lost part of a tube.

Anyway enough rambling about this all. d