discharge from Cmh team

they have decided in all their wisdom up here that I am well, and should be discharged from their services, citing waiting lists etc and that I am capable of coping etc.

Strangely this doesnt bother me too much as I feel like its just all been a waste of time up here using the service, In Oamaru I felt like I was making progress and that I was improving my life and my illness was getting managed a lot better. up here I feel frustrated, alone, and totally unsupported.

So instead I will use mum and ben as my counsellors and keep getting well on our own. I am still taking my meds which help, and have set alarms to remember each day to take them, sometimes in the rush of children this gets forgotten.

so sometime in the next few weeks I will become just a normal community member again, without maybe the stigma of being a mental health client, not that I have told many people that is what I have been, discussing that you wanted to die when you were pregnant and had 2 lovely wee children isnt considered to be normal.

but its what happened to me last year and without my parents and ben stepping in I would have been in a worse place, I wouldnt have actually done it because I have seen what suicide does to those left behind, but I certainly was very close to just walking away from my beautiful family.

I am very lucky that I have amazing parents who let me move in with them to help me get better, I had awesome midwives in Oamaru, a great pyschiatrist, and a cmh team that wanted to make me better, I had home help too which taught me how to look after my house and keep things ticking along here.

I am getting better, depression unfortunately is part of my life, I have suffered from it since I was 17, taking meds is probabley going to be longterm for me, and I need to look after my stress levels etc to cope with everyday life, but I am getting better and thats the good part of this process, life is looking good, and we are all living as a family again.

D