discharge from Cmh team

they have decided in all their wisdom up here that I am well, and should be discharged from their services, citing waiting lists etc and that I am capable of coping etc.

Strangely this doesnt bother me too much as I feel like its just all been a waste of time up here using the service, In Oamaru I felt like I was making progress and that I was improving my life and my illness was getting managed a lot better. up here I feel frustrated, alone, and totally unsupported.

So instead I will use mum and ben as my counsellors and keep getting well on our own. I am still taking my meds which help, and have set alarms to remember each day to take them, sometimes in the rush of children this gets forgotten.

so sometime in the next few weeks I will become just a normal community member again, without maybe the stigma of being a mental health client, not that I have told many people that is what I have been, discussing that you wanted to die when you were pregnant and had 2 lovely wee children isnt considered to be normal.

but its what happened to me last year and without my parents and ben stepping in I would have been in a worse place, I wouldnt have actually done it because I have seen what suicide does to those left behind, but I certainly was very close to just walking away from my beautiful family.

I am very lucky that I have amazing parents who let me move in with them to help me get better, I had awesome midwives in Oamaru, a great pyschiatrist, and a cmh team that wanted to make me better, I had home help too which taught me how to look after my house and keep things ticking along here.

I am getting better, depression unfortunately is part of my life, I have suffered from it since I was 17, taking meds is probabley going to be longterm for me, and I need to look after my stress levels etc to cope with everyday life, but I am getting better and thats the good part of this process, life is looking good, and we are all living as a family again.

D

self imposed computer exile

I have been spending too much time surfing the net, so I banned myself from it on tuesday, It was nice, I had nearly 24 hrs in which I didnt surf.. but my new second hand laptop arrived yesterday which was a bit frustrating till I had my jobs done I didnt play with it.

It s amazing how pulled into the net you can get without really trying.

I had a grumpy week last week so I used the net to escape, its not a good thing so I decided that I needed time out to get back on track.

I think I will try to spend a day every now and then without the internet, its nice to clear my head and spend time doing other stuff
I am also going to try not to be online so much during the day and just leave it till nighttime.

My mood is beginning to feel better, its so nice to begin to feel normal after a bumpy week

recycling.... biking... tri.....

Yesterday I found a new way to recycle..... online clothes swapping... its a group on flickr and it rocks....

I love the whole concept, its kinda like getting hand me downs as a kid but you get to choose if you like any of it. Its a great way for me to get rid of stuff too which is even better....

its a great way to save $$ and to give clothes a new lease on life.

anyway i am so loving it, its been started by a woman in palmy, and has around 30 members so far, one of whom I went to school with in invers when we were 5.

We biked to the market this morning, all 5 of us, Ben towed O and L in the bike trailer and K rode her halfwheeler behind me, got some yummy fresh veges and had a neat family outting together.

O looked so cute asleep in the trailer on the way home, he was half hidden by his helmet.

Am hoping that this will become a regular thing for us this summer and a good way for me to continue to lose weight and get fitter.... have got a couple of tri's that I want to do so need to do some bike training for that.

D

ps if you are interested in the clothes swap contact me....

Suffrage day... 115 yrs on

Womens suffrage day is a great way to remember the privilage that we have in being able to vote for our own government, around the world many people still do not have this as a right, in other countries such as zimbabwe exercising this right can lead to death.

It makes me thankful for the women who worked so hard to win this right for us. therefore we need to be mindufl of our rights with an upcoming election, people need to enrol to vote, I think along the lines of no vote no whinging about the govt... if you havent exercised your right then you dont get to grumble about something you could have had a say on.

I read an article on stuff this morning which made me think about equality between the sexes, recently a survey was done on equality, and only 24% of women think that women are not equal to men in society, I would be one of those 24%, being a women is still harder in this country.

The whole concept of a career and children doesnt work for many women, Women are still paid less, and work in more care related areas.

I dont think a change in government will help women at all. It certainly wont help me as an at home mum to three children. Working for families makes a difference to us, that difference means I am able to stay at home and parent our children, without this money I would need to look at returning to the workforce, probabley into a low paid job to help us survive. I could work as a teacher but I find it very stressful and difficult, esp with coming home to my littlies.

Thank you to Kate sheppard and the rest of the Suffragettes, I will excercise my right to vote on November the 8th.

D

other women bloggers

lately I have been reading other blogs.... Two resounded with me today.... the first was by blue milk on her role as a worker and a mum. It felt like I was reading my own thoughts. http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/falling-hard/

The second was by the ex ex pat about a voluntary psych evaluation. this too made me think about my experiences with psychiatrist and what impact that has had on my life. http://exexpat1.blogspot.com/2008/09/visit-to-nut-house.htm

Other blogs that I enjoy are Stargazer, and the hand mirror.

So thanks to these awesome women who help me to think about things other than whats for tea and doing housework.

election time

Ok, so by now some of you will have guessed that I am a labour supporter.
Well actually I am a labour party member so this time of the election cycle means lots of work for very few people. I used to go out campaigning hard etc, but the advent of three wee kids have curbed this quite a lot, so this election I will be doing my work by talking to people that I know about our policies and how they will help NZers....

I must admit though that I dont want to watch any tv coverage at the moment as it seems very onesided, its all about how we need a change.... what utter crap. we need to keep building on the social improvements that have been made and keep working to make our country a better place to live for all of us, not just the elite few who earn big bucks.

anyway, I am looking forward with hope that a centre left coalition will come out of the election.

D

uplift bras...

I posted the wrong url, its actually www.upliftbras.org

The two articles below give and interesting spin on whether donating goods is a good thing....

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/08/02/2322297.htm
http://www.abc.net.au/pm/content/2008/s2313784.htm

charity for bras

I read about it here, the uplift site doesnt mention it as much.....

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Community/MessageBoard/Messages.aspx?id=29530996&threadid=29530996

bras for charity

www.uplift.org a good cause for women who need bras..... physical addy is

Uplift C/- 18A Waitemata Rd, Takapuna, Auckland 0622

Please donate unwanted bras....

D

Home Ownership - pipedream?

We are looking at buying our first home, We want to move into the zone of our Daughters school, We live about 1km outside it at the moment and the enrolment scheme means our next two children arent guaranteed entrance there either.

So I have talked to the banks and the most we can borrow is around $180000, which would make us totally broke and mean we could buy a house under $200k. Not looking so great from where I am sitting.

We currently rent a 4bdrm house in Roslyn from my parents which is quite nice, to buy under $200k we are looking at ex state houses, 3 bdrm and needing lots of work done.... so do we buy and end up worse off or stay put renting in a better house....

B works and I am able to stay home with the kids, which is a luxury but having depression and anxiety has meant that I am unable to work and be a good mum to our children.

His income is over $50k yet to own a home we would be struggling a lot.

We havent decided yet what we are going to do.... more discussions with my parents, his parents and ourselves to happen yet.....

undermining breastfeeding

breast or bottle? the debate continues.... I just read an article on stuff and it made me feel sad.... http://www.stuff.co.nz/4681127a19716.html Only 11% of american babies are exclusively breastfed till 6 months.

I wonder what the %s are like here. I didnt exclusively feed my eldest, she had formula and breast, number two had breast till 9 months then some formula too.... number three has been exclusively breastfed on demand, and still hasnt taken formula.

I arent hugely one way or the other on this, but 11% seems like a very small number of women who are being supported in breastfeeding to get to 6 months, WHO recommends breastfeeding till at least 12 months.

I realise its about mothers choice etc, but giving out free formula samples cannot be a good way to encourage new mums to breastfeed....

Anyway rant over....

birth stories

I recently read a fellow bloggers birth story, and she has been totally bagged by some anonymous poster because she had a c-section for her son who was breech. It got me thinking about why women have to one up each other or guilt trip each other over how we gave birth to our babies.

I am lucky to have had three relatively quick natural births.... its great for me, but after my eldest I haemorrhaged badly and had to go to theatre to have part of the placenta removed and was given 4 units of blood. She then was too small for full term and jaundiced so spent 5 days in neonates. When she was 7 days I developed mastitis, and spent 3 nights on iv antibiotics in hospital. To top all this off my mum had an aortic valve replacement the morning after I had K.

So the first birth was fine, afterwards suxed bigtime. L was easier, I didnt haemorrhage at all, and she only spent 3 days in neonates with jaundice. 2 stays in hospital for mastitis happened too...

Number three was great, no haemorrhage, no neonates, only 2 days in hopsital, fab midwife care and I was in Oamaru with mum and dad and hubby and our two girls. And touch wood, so far (he's 9 months) no stays in hospital for IV antibiotics for mastitis...

So yeah the births were easy but having the other things happen and having depression for most of my last pregnancy sure as hell didnt make that any eaiser.

So to all those who think they have the right to tell other women that what they did was wrong..... bugger off we all make choices in our lives and childbirth should be about the best choice for that mum and her baby

Little sister staying

having kids of my own has made me realise that I am so lucky to have my wee sister as one of my best and closest friends. She is currently in the process of seperating from her husband and I am happy that she knows that I am there for her whatever happens in her life.

I am trying to get my kids to form this sort of bond too.... mum and dad always told us that once they were gone we would only have each other, hubbies can come and go but sisters dont. its a good philosophy and for us it has worked. R was there for me last year when my life spiraled outta control and I am there for her at the moment when she needs me.

I actually cant imagine not being friends with her, we get on really well, share common interests and arent much different in ages....

So if you read this little sis... just remember that I love you always, you are a great wee sister and I am lucky to have you in my life.... ps thanks mum and dad too....